I Took Pride in Not Needing a Man

Posted September 4Sep 4

The princess treatment is trending on TikTok. I’m here for it. The videos are hysterical. They involve a man sitting in a chair, a woman with a hose and a list of questions.

Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Depending on the answer the man might get hosed by his girl.

The questions? Here’s a sampling of them. How would your guy answer them? Or if you’re a guy how would you answer these questions?

Opening the car door or any door. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Flowers for no reason. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Carrying your girl’s bags or purse. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Paying for her manicure. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Giving her your jacket if it’s cold. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Bringing her coffee. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Fill up her gas tank. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Cooking her dinner. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Paying for dinner. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Take care of her when she’s sick. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Getting the car and picking her up. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Paying for her hair. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Taking her shopping. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Being the driver on long trips. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Telling her you love her daily. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Writing love letters or love notes. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Running her a bath. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Warming up her car. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Buying her an expensive purse. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Text her back quickly. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

Pay for a nice vacation. Princess treatment or bare minimum?

You get the idea.

The questions can be endless. And the responses are hysterical. I’ve included two TikTok’s below. It’s a bit of TikTok humor but it’s also telling. It says a lot about relationships and expectations.

What’s realistic?

What does each woman and man want and expect?

I took pride in not needing a man.

But guess what?

How’d that work out for me? I’m divorced. So much for being independent with low expectations. The women I know who seem happily married had bigger boundaries than I had.

They didn’t feel the need to do it all.

They didn’t take pride in not needing a man.

As the saying goes, “Be careful what you wish for.” I got what I wished for. A man who would have been drenched by the end of this humorous TikTok trend.

To be fair, he was a gentleman in the traditional sense.

He did open doors for me but not the car door. He did get me a drink when we arrived somewhere. He would help me carry my bags if I needed help but he didn’t reach for them. And he would drive on long trips.

I married a ‘bare minimum’ guy.

Maybe I can’t take all the blame in being a woman who thought she didn’t need a man. Because I married a guy who didn’t want a woman who needed a man. Fair?

I wanted to be independent, blah, blah, blah.

The problem with being too independent? You can end up with someone who doesn’t make you feel loved, cared for, or safe. Who doesn’t make you feel like they would protect you.

And then you get older.

And you can appreciate the reality laced in the humor of a TikTok trend. You can see the error of your ways. You can see the kind of man you would choose the next time around.

You realize this world wasn’t meant to be done alone.

The human condition is vulnerable. We aren’t meant to have one of us stronger than the other. We are meant to alternate strength with our spouse.

We are meant to make each other feel loved, cared for, safe, and protected. A man makes a woman feel loved, safe, and protected in one way. And a woman makes a man feel loved, safe, and protected in another way.

We need each other.

Not every day.

Not every moment, not every minute, not every hour.

But life is beautifully complex. It’s full of highs and lows. It’s full of love and loss. It’s full of the greatest joys and the deepest sorrows. It’s full of the expected and the unexpected.

The ordinary and the extraordinary.

We shouldn’t take pride in navigating it alone as I once believed when I didn’t need a man. Or conversely, be so selfish that we don’t realize our partner is doing it all.

I always say that in the word relationship the truth lies in the first two syllables. Relay. It’s a relay and love should be the kind of partnership that makes you need a person.

Independent enough to walk far away to do everything life demands of you in the day-to-day. But be drawn back by the elasticity of love when you need it most.

I’m no longer a ‘bare minimum’ guy kinda girl.

I’m a princess girl.

I’m okay with that.

Because it means this time I might meet a guy who makes me feel loved.

And I will return that gift.