I Lied About Wanting a Relationship Just to Keep Him Close

Posted September 4Sep 4

No sugar-coating, I did some toxic shit.

I lied to a dude about wanting to be in a relationship with him, not because I actually wanted him, but because I didn’t want to lose him.

I know that already sounds selfish, but hear me out before you start screaming in the comments.

There was this one guy who was just so good to me. He loved me in the way most teenage girls dream of a boy loving them.

He was reliable, sweet, and at every possible opportunity made sure I knew he had been looking for something real.

The problem? I wasn’t that into him. At least not enough to decide to invest. But his attention towards me was too tempting to give up. So when he asked me outright whether I pictured us together long-term, I said what he wanted to hear.

I said yes. Not because I meant it, but because it kept him with me. It was safety. It was validation. And, if I’m being honest, it was selfish comfort.

For me, the thinking was simple: Losing him would mean losing the comfort of being loved.

And I wasn’t willing to let go of that then.

I didn’t think about what it was doing to him, how unfair it was to him; I thought about how much I liked the way he made me feel.

Most women won’t admit this, but sometimes, we like the chase, the attention, the effort — even if we don’t like the guy enough to choose him.

OK, so now, let’s look at it from his perspective. He actually saw me pulling back at times, being evasive, not quite returning his feelings — but he brushed it off.

Why? Because he believed that his effort could change my mind. He told me over and over that if he just kept proving himself to me, I would eventually fall as hard as he had.

This is how guys get trapped. They see a few crumbs of attention and think it’s the whole loaf. They tell themselves that she’s “just guarded” or “still healing,” and they can break through the walls.

But the reality? Sometimes she’s just not attracted enough to that guy.

Here’s what you need to remember if the girl you’re dating is playing hot and cold: If you see the warning signs of this early on and you’re not picking up real interest, cut and run.

Walk away. Trust me, if she really wanted you, you wouldn’t need to decode mixed messages. You wouldn’t need to beg for attention. A girl who is interested in you will let you know without you needing to play detective.

The hardest truth is that, no matter how much you try, you can’t “convince” someone into actually wanting you.

And the longer you stick around when she’s not fully in it, the more you’re giving her the power to use you as a backup plan, a safety net, or just free validation.

When I think about it now, I realize I didn’t give him what he deserved. He deserved honesty. He needed someone on his level, not someone using him like a free Uber. But don’t put all the blame on me — he saw the signs and chose to ignore them.

Well, gentlemen, at least let my mistake be a lesson. Don’t confuse attention with affection. Don’t think she’ll come around if you just try harder. She’s not interested. If she wanted you, she’d have you — simple as that.

And to the man I lied to — yeah, you probably hate me for making this confession. Maybe you’ll call me manipulative or heartless. But in a way, you should thank me too.

Because if this article helps even one guy wake up and stop chasing someone who doesn’t actually want him, then maybe all this foolishness wasn’t for nothing.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.