She Shattered Your Heart — Now What? 

Recently, my son experienced a difficult breakup, and as a mother, I wanted to help. This breakup shattered his heart and caused him to reflect on what makes relationships work, and if he was willing to open his heart again.

This was his first love, and as you know, the first love is the hardest.

They had been together for 2.5 years and had been living together for 6 months until the horrible breakup.

As they shared a home and life, his girlfriend noticed a discontentment lurking beneath her external joy. She genuinely cherished the moments with my son. Yet, there was a clear source of internal discontent within her.

She told my son she was bored. She didn’t like adulting. She wanted to travel, have fun, and be young!

Photo by Alfonso Escalante: https://www.pexels.com/photo/low-angle-photo-of-volkswagen-kombi-2533092/

She asked my son to go with her on her travels. She believed traveling the world would heal her discontentment with life. With a renewed sense of excitement, she approached him with an invitation to join her on this adventure. She believed that exploring the world together could be a chance for them to heal and rediscover what truly matters.

Now, my son is still in college and has a good job; he didn’t want to drop everything and become a nomad to travel.

My son was very supportive. He didn’t want to stop her from experiencing new adventures, so he encouraged her to travel. She wanted him to go with her on these grand adventures, and she made it clear she wouldn’t go without him. They were at a standstill!

Sadly, in the end, they decided to break up. This breakup was excruciating for both of them. My son watched her go down a deep spiral. She believed that traveling and exploring the world would alleviate her internal sadness stemming from childhood wounds. She went into a deep depression and never ended up traveling after all.

As she continued down this rabbit hole, she discovered she ended the relationship because she was scared of truly being unconditionally loved. She didn’t feel safe growing up, and she never knew her father. All her childhood wounds and fears were bubbling up from this relationship with my son.

She came to an awareness; she believed that traveling would save her from her sadness. She discovered she had ruined a beautiful relationship with my son in an attempt to escape her pain and fears. So she asked him if they could rekindle the relationship.

Now my son is questioning whether he should get back together with her. He said, “Mom, she shattered my heart once; do I dare do it again?” Here was my advice.

Guiding our children through life’s ups and downs is never easy, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Here are some words of wisdom that I’ve gathered over the years that I hope will help.

LOVE RUNS DEEP 

I encouraged him to communicate openly about his feelings because he still loved her deeply. He felt a strong connection with her, and his heart wasn’t ready to let go. Trust needs to be rebuilt slowly and thoughtfully, so I reminded him to be patient with himself and with her.

BELIEF IN CHANGE

People can change if they want to. I told my son to ask her if she is willing to explore travel in other ways  —  and that he shouldn’t squash her dreams. They should try and work together to find a compromise. Relationships are not only about fun but also about work. If she is willing to adult, and not just wanting to travel, then the relationship is worth exploring.

PATIENCE WITH HER HEALING

Childhood scars don’t vanish overnight. If you are considering getting back together, ask yourself: Are you ready for the work? Her childhood wounds won’t heal overnight. Be prepared, this may happen again. Ask yourself if you can do this? Be honest with yourself. Allow her to continue to heal with an open and loving heart.

ENCOURAGE MUTUAL GROWTH 

Honest communication is the foundation of any lasting relationship. Be willing to share your vulnerabilities, set boundaries, and build together. Honest communication can clear up small issues before they grow into large ones. Sharing your real thoughts and emotions helps both partners learn to adapt and to support each other.

SHARED HOPE FOR THE FUTURE 

True love means respecting each other’s goals and finding happiness within yourself first. Do not believe the other person is responsible for your happiness. If you go down this road, the relationship is destined for failure. This journey requires open communication, patience, and commitment, as both partners work towards a balanced life that supports personal and shared dreams. Remember, a successful relationship thrives on mutual respect and a shared vision for the future. Keep believing in each other and in the power of unity — it’s the key to achieving true fulfillment together.

Conclusion: A Hopeful Love Story

My son and his ex-girlfriend are slowly getting back together. They are going on dates once a week and having deep, honest conversations. In truth, the reasons why his girlfriend was depressed, she wasn’t being honest in sharing her deepest, darkest feelings. She is now being vulnerable with her childhood wounds and fears. My son is allowing and respecting her vulnerabilities. In many ways, I told my son that your girlfriend reminds me of myself when I was young. With all my childhood wounds, your father was lovely in honoring me while I was healing. He saw that I was still a wonderful person underneath my scars.

“When you love someone, you have to offer that person the best you have. The best thing we can offer another person is our true presence.” (Thich Nhat Hanh)

—

Featured image: Photo by Fernando Cabral: https://www.pexels.com/photo/nature-man-love-people-3554376/

The post She Shattered Your Heart — Now What?  appeared first on The Good Men Project.

View the full article