How Much Is a Good Childhood Worth?

As I stroll my infant daughter through a neighbourhood lined with eight-figure houses (the median price on this street was $10.9M), my eyes catch a shimmer from a dark object on the boulevard. As I approach, observing its contours, highlights and shadows, I speculate on what I’ve found.

Is it a hunk of graphite, obsidian, or raw onyx? Unlikely. The remains of hardwood charcoal? Do rich people even barbecue, though? Walking past it, I then realize I’ve been staring at a sun-blackened lump of dog shit, baking in the summer heat. It’s about well-done by now. As I’ll soon see, there’s more of it down the block.

Blood, sweat and fears

And that’s when a dark epiphany hit me. Could this be a metaphor for my hopes and dreams? My decades-long, relentless hustle for success. The gap between where I am and where I want…no, need, to be. The frustrating difference between my efforts and my results.

I’m wondering if I value the right things in life. Or have I been focusing on dog shit, disguised as a gem, this entire time? What if everything I’ve worked towards is forever outside of reach?

I grind the nine-to-five along with everyone else, but I didn’t consider myself a follower of what to like, celebrate, think, want, or purchase, without consulting my vibe check. And I’ll surely teach my daughter to think for herself and not to follow blindly.

Yet I strive for what most people want or have (permanent housing), because I believe the key to my daughter’s future lies in her environment.

A modest dream at an exorbitant cost

No, I don’t want a multi-million-dollar house, but the entry-level price of a detached home in Vancouver proper is well north of $1M. I’m sure “entry-level” is code for an old shit shack bungalow that’s crawling with silverfish, walking distance from nothing notable.

Maybe moving to the car-dependent ‘burbs can knock $300K off a house, but that’s still putting me on the hook for a million. Imagine being indebted by seven figures to have a lifestyle different from what you value. Not for me, thanks.

I don’t need a yard for my daughter to play in; there are plenty of nearby parks and beaches. Or a garden to grow my own vegetables, or a barbecue, or a garage to fix up my bikes. I can go smaller without dreaming smaller, and fill those needs with community spaces rather than private property.

And yet, a 2-bedroom condo in a decently walkable neighbourhood can start at just under a million. So, what now?

Go big or go home

If we pretend that my options for tech work were equal anywhere in the country, I could take my well-paying career back to my hometown and live like a king. Yeah…nah, I’ll pass.

Forever in my mind, that place is where you get jacked 3-on-1 or jacked at knifepoint while standing at the bus stop. Something like this has happened at least once to most guys I know back home. You know you can’t have nice things when your buddy tells you he just got jacked for his $10 pair of no-name shoes, just because they were brand new.

Many times, I’d be walking down the street with a friend, and a random carload of strangers would yell out slurs or other gestures of aggression. We’d yell back or flip them off, and they may turn the car around, sometimes flashing their weapons, and start hunting us down, as we cut through yards and scale fences to flee. I’ve been in more fist fights than I could count, but I’m glad all of this is behind me now.

I wasn’t always sure of having kids, but I later knew I didn’t want that for my kids.

Growing pains

When I chose to move halfway across the country nearly two decades ago, I was clueless about how maladjusted I was in my new environment. Childhood exposure to (and the normalization of) hostility, racism and violence had shaped me for the worse, in ways that weren’t obvious to me.

The child me did what he needed to adapt, at the cost that my adult self was not completely civilized. Long-lasting positive change is hard, especially when you don’t recognize the psychology behind your thought patterns and behaviour.

It was a few years before life became better than any dream I could fathom. It’s not only that I wouldn’t dare to dream this big as a child or young adult; it’s that I didn’t yet possess the imagination for the possibilities.

After seeing the lifestyle potential in the city I now call home, I knew that I wanted this for my children.

The legacy I can afford to leave

So the life I’m building isn’t an empire of wealth or material gain. It was all about laying down roots in a progressive society rich with culture and experiences. A city that is not only logistically walkable, but also relatively very safe to walk in.

Between the mountains and the sea, a city with beaches, an abundance of parks, kilometres of greenways and modern urbanism. A metropolitan area with an eclectic food scene that is Michelin-worthy. A stop for touring musicians, for both big-name and obscure overseas bands. And to escape the city life, it’s a ferry ride away to over half a dozen unique and quiet islands.

I want my daughter to grow up with access to these beautiful things that life has to offer. She will understand wealth inequality, big city crime and street smarts, but from a safer perspective than I experienced it. She will dare to dream and become the person she is meant to be once she finds her purpose.

As long as we can avoid being priced out of this city, I will do everything I can to ensure my daughter isn’t robbed of having a good life.

Buying time

I’m a high-ish earner, but still a renter. I didn’t always earn as much, taking many years to build up my career. I’ve stayed debt-free by making a habit of living below my means.

Nice cars, designer fashion, latest tech…it’s all nice, but they’re mostly a distraction from building wealth. There are more practical, life-improving things that most people aren’t willing to spend on.

I’ve saved up and invested over the years. Enough to take a significant financial detour for Parental Leave, which will hurt, but not kill, having a housing down payment.

Eventual permanent housing for my daughter is crucial, as rentals can be pulled out from you at any time.

Final thoughts

I’m not ashamed of where I’m from; I’m ashamed of the way we all treated each other. A lot has changed since then, but some areas are still like that. With today’s trending pushback against kindness, many around the globe want society to regress. That’s not the future I want for my daughter.

I didn’t come here to chase riches; I came in search of change. Costly change, but change I welcome gladly. By design, my daughter will have inspiration and opportunities to thrive beyond my dreams.

One day, she may want to leave her hometown and go after her own dreams.