Christians have done a spectacular job convincing the world they can’t be trusted. I should know, I used to be one of their leaders.

When a friend of mine found out that I used to be a pastor, he told me outright, “I just can’t trust you anymore.”

That stung.

But, at the same time, I sort of understood where he was coming from. Christians have been their own worst enemies when it comes to building goodwill and credibility with the broader community, and pastors are the leaders of Christians.

When you’re inside the church bubble, you don’t see how easily your words turn you into a walking red flag for everyone outside it. Instead, you tell yourself that any pushback just proves you’re doing a great job representing Christ and that those “lost sinners” simply can’t handle the truth (or at least, your version of it).

Once you leave the church system behind, as I did, you suddenly start to see how there are certain things about Evangelical Christian subculture that range from strange to downright infuriating to the average ‘Joe Heathen’ walking down the street.

In fact, there are some people who, when they find out I am a Christian, automatically assume a defensive position, like my friend did, as if their instinctive response is to mistrust me.

Here’s the thing, though: Christianity has many wonderful and redeeming qualities. Jesus Christ is history’s preeminent teacher of love, grace, mercy, and compassion. True Christian faith calls us to a radical life of service to the world. It invites us to examine our inner life and expose our pain, disappointment, and our limitations to the healing work of Christ, who repurposes our wounds to become our gift to the planet. The fruit of this work is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And there is nothing offensive about any of those things.

However, the wonder of Christianity has been drowned out by the dogma of Christians. The fact of the matter is, if Christians want to be able to have a voice in the public square without being laughed out of town, they need to stop doing and saying certain things. You can be a Christian without seeming like a fool. Oh… and you can do it without compromising your beliefs.

Here’s how:

1. Don’t blame Satan for stuff

If you want to be a Christian and not seem like a fool, then don’t blame Satan for things. Blaming Satan for something makes you seem weird and superstitious.

Here’s an interesting thought: Satan wasn’t blamed for things in the Old Testament. In fact, Satan is hardly even mentioned: You’ll find him only three times. The Old Testament Jews believed that both good things and bad things came from God. How does that mesh with your current theological position?

So, when did people start blaming Satan? After Israel fell to the Greek Empire, Greek ideas about dualistic good-vs-evil forces started creeping in, and before long, Satan was getting blamed for everything from your bad mood to your missed promotion.

So, next time something goes wrong, maybe don’t blame the devil. Sometimes, life is just hard, and sometimes the only demons you need to face are your own choices.

2. Stop Using the Bible as a Trump Card

If you want to be a Christian and not seem like a fool, then don’t use the Bible as your prooftext for everything. Sure, in your opinion, it might be the divinely inspired word of God to you, but to the rest of the world, the Bible is just a book.

Using verses from the Bible to support the idea that the Bible is perfect is self-defeating and infuriating to the non-believer.

It’s a good book, sure. But instead of insisting every story must be literally true, try reading the Bible archetypally. Treat the stories as windows into the human condition — stories we can all find ourselves in, whether or not they “happened” exactly as written.

Did a giant fish really swallow Jonah? Were Adam and Eve historical people? Honestly, how would we even know, and does it actually matter?

Not really.

The power of Adam and Eve isn’t in proving two naked people wandered around a garden. It’s in what the story reveals about us: our innocence, our shame, our tendency to hide, and our longing for wholeness.

When you read the Bible that way, you stop trying to win debates, and start finding truths that connect us all.

3. Ditch the campaign of fear

A lot of Christians still think fear is their best marketing strategy: warn people about judgment, condemnation, and the threat of eternal punishment in Hell, and hope their listeners will pray the sinner’s prayer out of sheer terror.

Here’s the problem: for most people today, Hell is so toxic and absurd-sounding that the moment you bring it up, you lose them. To someone who’s never cracked open a Bible, talk of pitchforks and eternal fire makes you sound less like Jesus and more like a street-corner evangelist with a cardboard sign.

Whatever your views on Hell, ask yourself this: could you make a case for following Jesus without leaning on fear? Could you show people the beauty of his life, his teachings, his compassion for outsiders, his challenge to religious hypocrisy, instead of framing faith as fire insurance?

Start with love. Start with the idea that people are already deeply loved and worth redeeming, not hopeless trash that needs to be scared into repentance. When you lead with love instead of threats, you don’t just avoid looking foolish. You actually sound a lot more like Jesus.

4. Don’t use these religious platitudes

If you want to be a Christian who doesn’t come across as tone-deaf or fake, it’s time to retire some worn-out religious catchphrases. They include, but are not limited to, the following:

• I’ll pray for you
• God has a plan
• Love the sinner, hate the sin
• Are you saved?
• It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve
• Everything happens for a reason
• Have faith
• When God closes a door, he opens a window

Sure, some of these sayings are whipped out in times of trouble or crisis and are intended to be conciliatory. However, many people find them infuriating because they are, after all, just words. By all means, send thoughts and prayers. Just make sure you back up your faith with actions as well.

5. Be real about your struggles

When I was in church, I somehow picked up the idea that all negative emotions were ungodly. To be a good Christian witness, I thought I had to leave my pain, doubts, and weaknesses at the door and pretend I was always walking in glorious victory.

I wasn’t alone. Many Christians still believe they have to be perpetually pleasant and upbeat, as if any crack in their cheerfulness means Christ must not be working in their life. But let’s be honest: life is hard. A lot of the time, it’s brutal.

This “good vibes only” approach is just spiritual toxic positivity. And most people can spot fake happiness a mile away — and want nothing to do with it.

Here’s a better way: be honest. Be raw. Be real about your pain, your struggles, and your disappointments. People don’t need perfect Christians; they need honest ones.

After all, the same man Christians follow was humiliated, beaten, and hung naked on a cross for all to see. Maybe he knew that shamelessly exposing our wounds is exactly how we become agents of healing for others.

6. Don’t play the victim card

Christians need to stop brushing off criticism by claiming, “People just hate us because we stand for the truth.”

Let’s be honest: a lot of the pushback we get is fair. Instead of acting persecuted, we should listen, own what’s true, and have the humility to change.

Complaining about supposed threats to “religious freedom” or predicting some imaginary future where Bibles are banned and pastors thrown in prison doesn’t help anyone take us seriously.

And here’s the hard truth: when a community that has caused real harm turns around and calls itself the victim, it rightly frustrates people. We gain far more respect when we admit our faults than when we claim we’re under attack.

7. Don’t moralize people who aren’t Christianized

Christian morals are for Christians.

Period.

Yes, there are basic moral truths, like “don’t steal, don’t murder, don’t lie,” that most people everywhere agree on. But much of what’s in the Bible is written for people who have chosen to follow its way of life.

You might believe Christian values are the best values, and that’s fine. But trying to force them on people who don’t share your faith is guaranteed to backfire. It feels pushy and patronizing, and it rarely changes hearts.

Hold your convictions tightly. Live them well. Let your actions speak louder than your moral lectures. But don’t expect people who don’t follow Jesus to live by the same standards you do. That’s not their job. It’s yours.

If you want your faith to be compelling, show people the difference it makes in your own life, not by policing theirs.

8. Don’t speak in tongues in public… like, ever!

Speaking or praying in tongues is a religious practice performed by charismatic Christians where they spontaneously vocalize their speaking or praying in a language that is neither their own nor one that they have learned.

Those who believe in the practice swear that it can be a deeply spiritual and life-changing experience, but to everyone else, it sounds downright weird. So, if you must pray this way, do it in the privacy of your own home.

9. Don’t assume you are better than anyone else

I read an Instagram post by a popular fundamentalist preacher that said: “The truth sets people free, and I am thankful that the grace of God has changed me.”

Take a moment to appreciate the self-congratulatory tone. This is another way of saying, “I’ve got the truth! Hooray for me!”

The thing is, the truth is universally available to everyone. Christ is universally available to everyone. And Christians are by no means the best Christians out there. There are plenty of non-Christians living more Christian lives than many Christians are. To be a reasonable Christian, assume you are no better than the next guy, no more enlightened, no more saved, and no more good.

10. Assume that everyone has something to teach you

One of the worst attitudes a Christian can have goes something like this: “I have the truth. You don’t. I’m saved and enlightened. You’re lost and in the dark. You need what I have, but I don’t need anything from you.”

That posture shuts down real conversation and makes you impossible to learn from or live with.

Here’s the reality: neither the Bible nor Christians owns the truth. If something is true, it’s true for everyone, everywhere, whether it’s spoken by a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, a Sikh, an atheist, or your neighbour who’s never set foot in a church.

If you want to be a Christian who doesn’t look arrogant or clueless, stay teachable. Trust that Jesus can speak to you through anyone, at any time, even people you completely disagree with.

Listen well. Be curious. Never assume you can’t learn from someone just because they don’t share your beliefs. The moment you think you have nothing left to learn is the moment you stop being wise, or Christlike.

The best of Christianity is not offensive

At the end of the day, the very best of Christianity is not offensive to the rest of the world.

Loving one’s neighbor is not offensive

Caring for the poor and needy is not offensive.

Showing grace and compassion to others is not offensive.

The idea that all people are beloved sons and daughters of God and, therefore, worthy of love, respect, and esteem is not offensive either.

But if you want the world to see the best of Christianity, you have to confront the worst. Where Christians are judgmental, closed-minded, aloof, fake, or dismissive of others, they will always be met with resistance.

It’s then you hear what I did: “I just can’t trust you anymore.”

Honestly? I don’t blame my friend for saying it. We’ve given the world too many reasons not to trust us.

So here’s the challenge: if you want people to see the best of Jesus, confront the worst in yourself first. Drop the fear. Drop the fake piety. Drop the superiority. And let your life speak for itself.

A faith that looks like love is hard to resist and impossible to distrust for all that long.

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This post was previously published on Backyard Church.

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The post How to Be Christian Without Embarrassing Yourself appeared first on The Good Men Project.

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