Are Long-Distance Relationships Destined to Fail, Doomed From the Start?

Long-distance relationships (LDRs) are often described as tests of love, patience, and character.

For Ajit in India and Marissa in Australia, these tests stretched over five years, spanning continents, cultures, faiths, and laws. Their story stands in contrast to that of Lara and Bhanu, who also lived in India and Australia respectively, but found the distance and differences too much to overcome.

Through the lens of these two couples, both known to me personally (I am the aunt), and whose journey I followed, we can unravel what helps love to thrive across borders and what, sadly, can make it unravel (with permission).

The Story of Ajit and Marissa: Five Years Apart, Together in Spirit

Ajit and Marissa’s relationship began like many others, but circumstances; visa delays, religious backgrounds, and vastly different cultures, meant they would live oceans apart.

For half a decade, they maintained not just affection, but also a sense of partnership, proving that distance can be measured in miles but also bridged by intent.

Their experience can be distilled into several principles:

 Trust — The Absolute Must: The foundation of their relationship rested on trust. Doubt rarely entered their conversations, and neither tried to control the other’s friendships or activities. Insecure possessiveness has destroyed many relationships, but Ajit and Marissa learned early that confidence in each other was crucial.

 Embracing Friendship Across Genders: Both maintained friendships with people of all genders. They did not shy away from or fear friendships with the opposite sex, believing that comfort around all people reduced curiosity and temptation. This openness was key to their comfort and security.

 Constant but Meaningful Communication: Mobile phones and messaging apps kept them connected, but they were selective about how and when they shared. Not every moment needed to be broadcasted, and some stories were saved for dedicated time together, making those conversations special and focused.

 Spontaneity and Playfulness: Despite the distance, they kept things light; singing songs, video chatting, sending goofy pictures, writing poems, and exchanging homemade cards. These small acts of affection kept excitement alive and made the relationship feel less routine.

 Integration with Each Other’s Friends: Feeling included in each other’s lives was paramount. By befriending each other’s social circles, Ajit and Marissa reduced feelings of isolation and even collaborated on surprise gestures.

 Creating Shared Traditions: The couple kept a ‘long-distance book’: a physical keepsake filled with photos, poems, and letters. This tangible reminder of their bond offered comfort during difficult times and became a journal of cherished memories.

 Resolving Fights Quickly: LDRs can make conflict resolution challenging, but Ajit and Marissa made it a point never to let disagreements fester. Most disputes were settled before the next day dawned, preventing resentment from building up in the void left by physical distance.

Hope and Future Planning: They didn’t shy away from talking about the future, whether that meant planning a holiday together or discussing bigger life decisions. These conversations provided hope and a sense of momentum, vital for enduring separation.

Ajit and Marissa’s success came not from luck but from daily investment in trust, communication, and inclusion, as well as a refusal to let differences, be they national, religious, or cultural, become obstacles.

Lara and Bhanu: When Distance and Doubt Win

Lara and Bhanu’s relationship followed a similar path at first. Lara was living in Australia, Bhanu in India. Like Ajit and Marissa, they faced the same barriers of culture, religion, and endless paperwork. But their story diverged, and their relationship ultimately ended. Why?

Trust Issues: Unlike Ajit and Marissa, Lara and Bhanu struggled with doubt. Jealousy crept in, particularly regarding new friends and social lives abroad. Restrictions were placed; both subtle and overt on who each could socialize with, which quickly led to frustration, secrecy, and eroding trust.

Narrow Social Circles: Both were hesitant for each other to form close friendships with the opposite gender, fearing this would lead to emotional or romantic entanglements. Instead of feeling secure, this created a sense of limitation, making outside friendships seem more alluring and fraught with suspicion.

Over-communication and Under-communication: Lara felt pressured to report every detail of her day, while Bhanu sometimes withdrew entirely. This imbalance meant that neither felt truly heard or understood, and both felt at times either suffocated or abandoned.

Lack of Spontaneity: Their conversations became routine, focused on logistics and worries rather than joy and playfulness. The relationship, instead of being a respite from daily struggles, became another source of stress.

No Shared Community: They didn’t make efforts to befriend each other’s friends, leaving each feeling disconnected from the other’s daily life. It was easy for misunderstandings to grow in these gaps.

No Tangible Reminders: Without shared rituals: no “long-distance book,” no exchanged letters or poems, their memories became more digital and momentary. When times were hard, they had little to look back on together.

Lingering Fights: Arguments dragged on, sometimes for days, with no easy way to reconcile. The pain of unresolved conflict was magnified by the inability to offer a quick hug or apology in person.

Uncertain Future: Unlike Ajit and Marissa, Lara and Bhanu avoided talking seriously about the future. The uncertainty became overwhelming, and the absence of shared plans made hope difficult to sustain.

While Ajit and Marissa managed to overcome the classic pitfalls of LDRs, Lara and Bhanu showed how the same challenges, when left unaddressed, can drive a wedge between partners.

Ajit and Marissa’s relationship survived, not in spite of the distance, but because they chose every day to trust, to communicate honestly, and to remain present in each other’s lives.

Lara and Bhanu remind us that the absence of these qualities can turn distance from a challenge into a chasm.

I was fortunate enough to witness the fruits of this devotion firsthand: I attended Ajit and Marissa’s wedding ceremonies, both Hindu and Christian, where their commitment was celebrated with joy, colour, and the embrace of two families and traditions. Today, they share a life that is as vibrant and harmonious as the vows they exchanged.

As for Lara, I remember hugging her tightly during one of those difficult evenings, assuring her that the lessons of this chapter would serve her well, whether in a future long-distance relationship or in one woven from the fabric of everyday, face-to-face moments. I told her, with genuine faith, that her true-life partner was still out there, and that the resilience she’d gained would help her recognise and nurture the love she deserved.

If you, or someone close to you, are navigating the complexities of a long-distance relationship, may these stories offer both inspiration and gentle caution: love can span oceans and continents, but only when it is continually nurtured with trust, honesty, inclusion, and the daily, shared decision to hope together.

What do you think? Have you had a long-distance relationship?

Thanks for reading dear friends and lovers ღ.

© Stephanie Roberts