Why Your Woman Loves You But Isn’t Bonded to You

Posted Saturday at 06:00 AM4 days

Most women are bored out of their minds in bed.

There. I said it.

You think she’s moaning because she’s turned on. No, darling, she’s moaning because she doesn’t want to crush your delicate ego. She doesn’t want to fight about it. She doesn’t want to see the hurt flash across your face when she tells you the truth.

That your “good” sex is nothing more than fast-food sex.

Quick.

Greasy.

Predictable.

Cheap.

Filling in the moment but leaves her starving hours later.

I’ve been called a real-life sex coach. What that really means is I don’t sugarcoat this shit. I don’t hand out fluff. I don’t stroke egos to keep people comfortable. I tell the raw, unfiltered truth, and more often than not, it lands like a grenade between the eyes of someone’s oh-so-fragile self-image.

Because here’s the thing: both men and women are faking it.

Women fake pleasure. Men fake confidence. And in the bedroom, both end up performing for each other while quietly starving inside.

Women won’t tell you the truth.

Women don’t want to admit they’re not enjoying sex.

They don’t want to admit they’re bored, unfulfilled, or worse, numb. They won’t tell you because they don’t want to feel broken.

They don’t want to disappoint you.

They don’t want to risk your defensiveness, your anger, or the fight that might follow.

So, they fake it.

They give you the blowjob you want so you can drift off into that dopamine coma you call afterglow. They moan when you pump away on autopilot so you can feel like a stud. They let you think they enjoyed it while planning how they’re going to finish themselves off in the bathroom later.

Reality check, she got nothing.

Zip.

Zero.

Nada.

She walked away from that encounter not feeling cherished, nourished, or lit up. but used. A masturbation sleeve with legs.

And men, gods bless you, you really don’t have a clue.

You think women’s bodies work like yours. You think she gets turned on as fast as you do. You think rubbing harder or faster means better. You handle her like she’s a man with a vagina. Porn told you that a woman’s body is an endless buffet of wet holes waiting for your dick. Porn told you she screams when you jackhammer her. Porn told you if you just last longer, you win.

But porn has f-cked f-cking up. Porn became sex-ed for a generation, and it’s nothing like real sex.

Simple truth, women are not aroused the way men are. Her orgasm doesn’t live in her clit alone (although you better play close attention to her clit, but don’t make it the first and only stop, or a quick experience). Her orgasm is layered, non-linear, moody, emotional, shifting with her hormones, her stress levels, her connection to you. One week she craves deep penetration. Another week it’s all about her nipples. Another week she needs slow, tantric breathing and sacred touch. Her body is not static. It’s a symphony that changes daily.

Did you know the scientific study of the clitoris is younger than the internet? Think about that. We’ve been sending rockets into space, mapping genomes, and building empires long before we decided to take women’s pleasure seriously. Research on how women orgasm with age? Barely twenty years old. Research on men? Decades longer.

No wonder men don’t understand women’s pleasure. No one ever taught them.

There’s a massive orgasm gap in our relationships. Study after study shows men climax way more often than women during partnered sex. One analysis of 52,600 people found that 95% of heterosexual men usually orgasm during sex, compared with only 65% of heterosexual women. That’s a chasm, not a gap. (Garcia et al., 2018, Archives of Sexual Behavior)

And women? We’re complicit. We fake it. We let men believe they’re amazing lovers. We hand out participation trophies in bed because we’re terrified of confrontation, of rejection, of losing love.

But the cost? It’s devastating.

Women need sex like air.

Without gourmet sex, deeply connected, soul-drenching, body-shaking, nerve-quivering sex, women fade away from the men they love.

They grow distant.

Closed off.

Anxious.

Depressed.

Cold.

The fun kind of crazy gets replaced with the desperate, brittle kind.

A woman needs sex like she needs air.

But not fast-food sex.

Not friction-based pumping.

Gourmet sex.

Sex that nourishes.

Research even backs it up. Regular orgasms harmonize hormones, reduce stress, improve cardiovascular health, boost immunity, and yes, slow the aging process. A 2017 study in Psychoneuroendocrinology found that frequent orgasms in women are linked to healthier hormone profiles and improved emotional well-being.

An orgasm is not just pleasure.

It’s medicine.

It’s vitamins.

It’s spiritual nourishment.

A woman needs at least two deep, real orgasms a week with her lover. Not just for her relationship, but for her vitality, her sanity, her body, her soul. Orgasms boost confidence. Heal body image. Strengthen vaginal muscles. Make her softer, more radiant, more alive.

And here’s something most men don’t know, orgasm doesn’t just make her love you more. It bonds her to you.

A woman can love you without being bonded to you. But orgasm is glue. One orgasm can keep her bonded to you for three days. The more she has, the more deeply she attaches. And if she’s depleted? If she’s going weeks or months without? That bond thins. And eventually it snaps.

Understand that sex is interwoven with everything.

Men like to compartmentalize.

Work here.

Family here.

Sex here.

Women can’t. Sex is interwoven into everything. How you touch her hand when you walk down the street. How you look at her across the dinner table. How you hold her after a fight.

If you think sex is just what happens between the sheets, you’re already failing her.

Here’s how I see it.

Most people think they’re having good sex.

But what they’re having is fast-food sex.

Predictable. Processed. Basic.

Gourmet sex? That’s another world entirely. It’s slow, intentional, reverent, playful, sacred, filthy and holy all at once. Gourmet sex feeds the body, mind, and soul. And once a woman has tasted it, she will never again be satisfied with a drive-thru rub the clit for 2 minutes experience.

This is what my new book is about.

Later this year, my book 69: Beyond the Orgasm — A Field Guide to Understanding Women will be released. It’s raw. Bold. A no-fluff guide to what women really need and what men don’t understand. It’s not another manual written by men about women’s bodies. It’s not porn culture masquerading as education. It’s the truth, straight from a woman who has lived it, practiced it, taught it, and dared to speak it out loud.

And it’s going to piss people off.

Because truth always does.

But if you’re tired of fast food, if you want gourmet, if you’re ready to stop faking it and start living it, this is where it begins.

Want to unlock the secret truths every woman feels but will never confess?

69+ Beyond the Orgasm isn’t just a book — it’s your backstage pass into the female heart, body, and desire. If you’ve ever wanted to really understand what makes her crave you, miss you, surrender to you… this is it.

Don’t just guess. Learn what she hides. Make her yours forever. DM or comment WAITLIST to be first to grab a copy at release.

Or just a drop a comment on your thoughts about what I shared here today.

As always loving you from here,

Rene Schooler

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.