The Self-Help Industry Doesn’t Want You to Know This…

Posted Friday at 10:00 PM4 days

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I have read more self-help books and listened to more podcasts than I can count. I found the rich world of self-help in my mid-teens and never looked back.

For years, I thought the answer to life’s struggles was always out there — in another book, in another video, in another perfectly worded quote, or in another Medium article. I was convinced that if I just consumed enough of them, I would finally get it. I would finally find a solution to all my problems. The solution was just one click away.

So years went by, some of these self-help tools did help me, but most of them just confused me.

After looking through every possible theory, author, and philosophy, here’s what I realized: there will always be another book. Another podcast. Another step-by-step guide promising to end my procrastination forever. And the cycle never ends, because all of these are external voices — useful for sure, but never mine.

The real turning point for me came through journaling, sitting with my thoughts, and actually listening to the voice inside me that I had been ignoring all along.

The moment I slowed down enough to hear it, I realized something radical — I already knew what was right for me.

My body knew what was right for me and what wasn’t.

My heart knew what it wanted, even if I was afraid to admit it.

My inner wisdom had always been there, quietly being suffocated under the noise of everyone else’s advice.

It was something so simple yet took so much time and so many mistakes for me to finally realize it.

I guess I just didn’t trust myself enough.

But why? I think it starts in childhood.
Nobody ever really teaches us to trust ourselves. If anything, it’s the opposite. We are told who we should be, what we should want, and what kind of life is “successful.”
Parents, teachers, society, they don’t mean harm, but the message lands: “We know better than you. Don’t trust your instincts.”
And then what happens? We internalize the idea that our voice is not enough. That our decisions are suspect. That our natural inclinations need to be “corrected.”

And then, as adults, we find ourselves addicted to external validation.
We go looking for advice, for answers, for reassurance.
It doesn’t help that we live in an age of information overflow.
Every single question can be Googled.
Every single doubt has a podcast episode waiting for it.
Why should we even bother thinking deeply when seemingly “better” brains have already solved it?
Our minds become lazy. Our trust in ourselves grows weaker.

But here’s something you need to repeat with me: no guru, no author, no coach knows me like I do. They don’t wake up in my body. They don’t carry my history or my dreams. They don’t know the thousand little ways my heart has been broken and the thousand little ways it has healed itself. Only I do.

That doesn’t mean self-help is useless. In fact, sometimes it’s exactly what we need. Books, podcasts, or even a stray line from a talk can give us language we didn’t have before. They can shine a light on blind spots and help us see our patterns more clearly. They can hand us knowledge that we may not have found on our own, and sometimes that knowledge is the very thing that pushes us back toward ourselves.

The problem isn’t the books — it’s forgetting that they are meant to be guides, not replacements for our own wisdom.

So maybe, like everything else in life, it’s about balance. Learning when to seek guidance and when to stop consuming and actually listen inward. Using self-help not as a crutch, but as a tool.
As a mirror.
As a teacher , but never as the voice that drowns out our own.

Because at the end of the day, wisdom doesn’t come from a perfect podcast script. It comes from your lived experience. From your mistakes, your reflections, your resilience. It comes from listening to the voice you were never taught to trust.

Maybe the next stage of growth isn’t about consuming more “wisdom”. Maybe it’s about learning to finally trust the wisdom you’ve had all along.

— Anushka & Vishnu