American Women Suck

A €44 billion austerity gamble, strikes in the streets, and promises to Kiev are about to go up in smoke France’s government is once again on the verge of collapse. Prime Minister Francois Bayrou faces near-certain defeat in a confidence vote over a disputed austerity plan, a showdown that threatens President Emmanuel Macron’s authority at home and casts doubt on Paris’ ability to deliver on its ambitious promises abroad – including security guarantees for Ukraine. France in meltdown – how bad is it this time? Bayrou has staked his survival on a confidence vote scheduled for Monday, September 8. At issue is an austerity package worth €44 billion, meant to shrink France’s deficit from 5.4% of GDP in 2025 toward 4.6% in 2026. Under EU fiscal rules, the official ceiling is 3%, so Brussels is pressuring Paris to cut deeper. But the plan – which includes reducing public holidays and raising healthcare contributions – has triggered anger at home. Trade unions are preparing strikes, while opposition parties from the far left to the far right have pledged to vote against Bayrou. With his government already in a minority, few in Paris believe he can survive. Macron’s friend, savior, or dead weight? Francois Bayrou is one of the most familiar names in French politics. He leads the centrist Democratic Movement (MoDem) and has been mayor of the city of Pau since 2014. Back in 2017, his endorsement was crucial for Macron, giving the then-upstart candidate credibility in the political center. As president, Macron briefly made him justice minister, and after Michel Barnier was forced out in late 2024, Bayrou was elevated to prime minister to hold together Macron’s fragile coalition. But with his budget collapsing and support evaporating, the man once hailed as a stabilizer is now being blamed for dragging Macron further into crisis. How did one budget plan blow up the PM’s career? In France, governments can invoke Article 49.3 of the Constitution to force a bill through the National Assembly, the lower house of parliament, without a vote. The mechanism has existed since 1958 and is legal, but risky: once Article 49.3 is triggered, opposition lawmakers have 24 hours to file a no-confidence motion. If that motion passes, the government falls. Bayrou’s decision to use 49.3 turned his €44 billion austerity plan into a survival gamble. Bayrou chose confrontation over compromise. By tying his austerity program directly to a confidence vote, he hoped to project resolve. The package included unpopular measures such as cutting public holidays and raising healthcare charges. Instead of rallying deputies behind him, the move united nearly every opposition faction. The far-right National Rally, the Socialists, and the leftist France Unbowed all declared they would vote him out, filing no-confidence motions that set up a showdown on Monday. What was meant to be a show of strength turned into political suicide. Macron without Bayrou – what’s left of his power? If Bayrou falls, Macron is left exposed: he’s going to have to pick between two bad options. He can install a Socialist prime minister to get a budget through parliament, effectively conceding control of domestic policy. Or he can gamble on snap elections, which polls suggest would hand more seats to Le Pen’s National Rally. With Macron’s approval ratings already scraping historic lows, either choice would deepen the sense of a weakened presidency. Commentators warn that if markets lose confidence in France’s ability to control its 5.4% of GDP deficit and 110% debt-to-GDP ratio, the country could face a crisis reminiscent of Britain’s “mini-budget” turmoil under Liz Truss. Where does Bayrou actually stand on Ukraine? On foreign policy, Bayrou has been a vocal supporter of Kiev. In March 2025, he openly criticized Washington for pushing Ukraine to negotiate peace with Moscow, calling such demands “unbearable.” He argued that pushing concessions would humiliate Ukraine’s Vladimir Zelensky and amount to rewarding Russia. Inside Macron’s government, Bayrou has been one of the strongest advocates of sustained European backing for Ukraine, insisting that Paris must stand firm. And Ukraine – what happens when Paris goes quiet? For Kiev, French instability brings real costs. Cash flow: The €3 billion pledged for 2024 but still not disbursed was meant to cover weapons and financial aid. But such spending has to pass through the annual budget. With Bayrou’s plan collapsing and parliament in revolt, securing new funds will be politically and legally harder for any caretaker government. Losing an ally: Bayrou’s exit would strip Kiev of one of its most reliable advocates inside the French cabinet. By contrast, opposition parties – and even voices within Macron’s camp – have been more skeptical of pouring money into Kiev while cutting spending at home. His departure strips Macron of a key advocate inside the cabinet. Security guarantees in limbo: Macron has positioned France as the organizer of the “Coalition of the Willing,” where 26 countries promised postwar guarantees for Ukraine, potentially including a reassurance force. Such a plan requires stable leadership, funding commitments, and parliamentary approval. A government in turmoil cannot push through the legal and financial framework needed to turn pledges into reality. ‘Armed to the teeth’ peace plan: Macron has also announced an extra €6.5 billion in defense spending for 2025-2027, lifting France’s annual budget from about €47 billion in 2024 to €64 billion by 2027 – a roughly 35% increase. This blurs the line between “peace guarantees” and outright militarization, reinforcing Moscow’s argument that Europe’s settlement talk is cover for escalation. If France wobbles, is the EU still ‘united’? The fallout would reach Brussels as well. The EU relies on France, the bloc’s second-largest economy, to underwrite collective aid to Kiev, yet the €3 billion pledge Paris made for 2024 is in doubt. That damages the bloc’s credibility as a reliable funder at a time when Germany is reluctant to shoulder the costs alone. Macron has also styled himself as the champion of “strategic autonomy,” calling together with German Chancellor Friedrich Merz for a stronger European defense role. But as the Financial Times has noted, those ambitions collide with weak finances and political divisions. With France paralyzed, the EU’s claim to speak with one voice looks hollow, and existing rifts – from Hungary’s open skepticism to Slovakia’s resistance on energy and sanctions – are harder to conceal. Bottom line Bayrou’s downfall would leave Macron weaker at home and less credible abroad. France’s ability to anchor the EU’s Ukraine policy looks shaky, Kiev’s guarantees are cast into doubt, and Moscow can argue convincingly that Europe’s talk of peace is inseparable from its rush to militarize. View the full article

By U. Pittsburgh In a study encompassing 13 languages, 12 research teams, and 12 countries over five continents, the same findings cut across a global swath: people prefer self-reliant strategies more than advice-oriented or other strategies. And that common response appeared across multiple cultures and in all the tested sites, suggesting people across the world today favor “inward-looking decision routes” as the norm. The study appears in Proceedings B of The Royal Society Publishing. “It is important to study how people prefer to make choices—by taking advice, by following the wisdom of crowds, by trusting their gut reactions, or by relying on their own reasoning—because these preferences likely influence how people actually make decisions and how they respond to how institutions frame choices for them,” says senior author Edouard Machery, a professor of history and philosophy of science and director of Pitt’s Center for Philosophy of Science. “But we shouldn’t assume a priori that the preferences of the global north are shared by the rest of the world. The inspiration behind the studies in the Geography of Philosophy Project, including this study, is that behavioral scientists should examine concepts and preferences in a thoroughly cross-cultural manner, from small to large societies, from industrial to rural settings, from educated to less-educated populations.” Lead author Igor Grossmann, from Canada’s University of Waterloo, adds that this widespread self-reliance isn’t rooted in education, politics, or religious background. The research teams ranged from Pitt to Rutgers to UCLA, from Ecuador and Peru to Ontario, from South Africa to Morocco, from Serbia to India to Japan. They wrote that the universality of their findings regarding this self-reliance preference requires a rethinking of the long-held premise in cultural psychology about independent and interdependent agency. Even the most interdependent groups in the study showed a leaning toward private deliberation. “Whereas interdependent cultures were more likely to consider advice than independent cultures, even in the most interdependent groups the default response was to ‘go it alone,’ even if it contradicted friends’ or family’s recommendations,” Grossmann says. Machery, whose November publication received international attention when study groups preferred AI-generated poetry to the greats, says what the dozen research teams found most surprising was that there was so little cultural variation in people’s preferences. “One might think that if anything should vary across cultures and environments, it is preferences about how to make a decision, as decisions are arguably made quite differently across cultures. But that appears not to be the case,” he says. “We were also interested by the finding that people had little appetite for the wisdom of crowds despite the fact that often, though not always, following the wisdom of crowds lead to better decisions.” By design, the research posed six everyday dilemmas, among them planting crops or helping a neighbor. Anthropologists, philosophers, and linguists on the widespread research teams collaborated globally and on the ground to better relate to their particular sample study group. Their intention was to find how various peoples and cultures arrived at decisions while allowing for both final decisions based on internal deliberation and for advice or thoughts garnered from others. “We also observed another near-universal tendency: When asking the same people whom they think people from their culture would choose, people were more likely to consider their friends’ advice,” Grossman says. “In other words, while most preferred to make decisions on their own when looking at the decision dilemma through their own eyes, they were more likely to consider their friends’ advice when taking a step back and considering others’ perspectives. This is noteworthy, because—all things being equal—taking a step back and considering advice of others is in fact the wiser strategy in uncertain dilemmas.” Funding for this study came from the John Templeton Foundation, the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada, and Templeton World Charity Foundation. Source: University of Pittsburgh Original Study DOI: 10.1098/rspb.2025.1355 — Previously Published on futurity.org with Creative Commons License *** – The world is changing fast. We help you keep up. We’ll send you 1 post, 3x per week. Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today. All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here. — Photo credit: iStock The post Most People ‘Go It Alone’ to Make Tough Decisions appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

🏡 Don’t buy any Google Home products now: On Oct. 1, looks like at least one new Nest Cam and doorbell with Gemini built in will drop. That means natural language commands, like asking for recipes, getting info on everyday topics and troubleshooting home appliances. And yes, there’ll be both free and paid versions. I’ll keep you posted. The post Don’t buy any Google Home products now appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

You weren’t too much. You weren’t too emotional. You weren’t hard to love. But when you love someone who can’t meet you — emotionally, spiritually, consistently — you start internalizing their limitations as your flaws. You begin to believe the narrative they projected onto you. That love is something you have to earn. That peace is something you have to beg for. That being chosen requires shrinking yourself. It’s time to unlearn that. This isn’t just a love story gone wrong. This is about your relationship with yourself — and how to rewrite the story you tell when someone walks away. Section 1: Where the “Hard to Love” Wound Begins It usually starts before the relationship. Maybe childhood: Where emotional needs were seen as burdens Where love was earned through perfection, performance, or people-pleasing So when you meet someone who avoids, withholds, or minimizes your needs… it feels familiar. It feels like home. You don’t chase them because you’re desperate. You chase because you were conditioned to believe you had to work for love. Section 2: What Being With the Wrong Person Teaches You (Falsely) Being with someone emotionally unavailable teaches you things that are fundamentally untrue: That you’re too intense That needing reassurance is weakness That your boundaries are demands That love is a test, not a sanctuary But their inability to love deeply isn’t proof that you’re too much. It’s proof they’re unequipped. And unequipped love is not a mirror of your worth. Being with someone emotionally unavailable teaches you things that are fundamentally untrue: That you’re too intense That needing reassurance is weakness That your boundaries are demands That love is a test, not a sanctuary But their inability to love deeply isn’t proof that you’re too much. It’s proof they’re unequipped. And unequipped love is not a mirror of your worth. Section 3: How to Know It Was Never About You Being Hard to Love Real love doesn’t: Confuse you Make you beg Keep you guessing When someone is emotionally available and secure, they don’t punish you for having needs. They respond to them. They don’t label your sensitivity as a flaw — they see it as depth. You’re not too much. You’re just too self-aware for someone who hasn’t done the work. Section 4: Healing the Scar of Feeling Unlovable Write a new narrative. Instead of “I’m hard to love,” try “I’ve been loving people who weren’t available to receive it.” Reparent your inner child. Speak to the part of you that learned love had to be earned. Show them that love is their birthright. Choose partners who speak the language of consistency. Emotional safety is the standard now — not the exception. Stop mistaking chaos for chemistry. Familiar doesn’t mean compatible. It just means unhealed. Validate yourself before anyone else. You are allowed to exist fully — without shrinking, performing, or proving. Section 5: You Were Always Lovable — Even When They Didn’t See It Their inability to show up was not a reflection of your value. It was a revelation of their limitations. You were lovable even when: They ghosted They breadcrumbed They withheld affection They blamed you for their distance You were worthy even when it felt like you had to beg for basic things. That wasn’t love. That was survival dressed up in codependency. And now, you’re choosing something different. It Was Never About Your Lovability — It Was About Their Capacity You are not hard to love. You were just loving people who didn’t know how to receive you. Stop explaining your worth to people committed to misunderstanding you. Stop auditioning for love in rooms that require your silence. The next chapter starts with this truth: You are easy to love when you are loved by someone ready for you. And until then — be that someone for yourself. Reclaim the Truth About Your Lovability Subscribe to my Medium and newsletter for weekly reminders of your worth, your healing, and your wholeness. Follow me on Instagram @jennifermcdougall_ for self-affirming posts and nervous system nourishment. Support my writing on Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/jenmcdougall Tune in to Life Refined: The Art of Personal Development — my podcast for women reclaiming their wholeness, voice, and boundaries. You’re not too sensitive. You’re not too needy. You’re not too much. You’re just finally too self-aware to keep confusing neglect for love. Let that be the healing. — This post was previously published on medium.com. Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox. Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice. Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there! Hello, Love (relationships) Change Becomes You (Advice) A Parent is Born (Parenting) Equality Includes You (Social Justice) Greener Together (Environment) Shelter Me (Wellness) Modern Identities (Gender, etc.) Co-Existence (World) *** – Photo credit: Zohre Nemati on Unsplash The post You’re Not Hard to Love — They Were Just Unequipped to Love Deeply appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

Read for free. “He’s going off to college, is he?” the cashier at Target asked after I explained that all the boxes of frozen chicken sandwich sliders were for my son, who would eat them at every meal if I let him. I laughed and shook my head. “Oh, gosh, no! He’s only seven. He’s just moving into his own room.” I could see how she’d come to that conclusion. Some of the other things she’d scanned included a sheet set, tension rod, curtain, clock radio, cleaning wipes… “Ah, he is, is he?” she said. “Yeah, he’s taking over the ‘man cave.’ ” And it was a cave. It was a room in our unfinished basement, where a spaghetti diagram of original wiring — from the time that wiring was first invented (yes, our house was that old) — was tangled behind the present-day cables, wires, and telephone lines which snaked through the tree-trunk ceiling beams (some of which still sported bark). Sure, most of the cement wall was painted, and we’d put a rug with an ample pad underneath it over the cement floor. We’d also vacuumed up all the cobwebs. There was a futon bunk bed and a papa san chair in front of the circa 1980s coffee-table-sized TV set up with the Wii to complete the furnishings. It was as nice as it could be, but it was still most definitely a cave. My youngest had begun sleeping down there from time to time during the summer. It was naturally cool in our otherwise non-centrally air-conditioned home. I am sure the novelty of the new bunk bed and sports-themed pillows and blankets was a factor, as was the proximity of the chest freezer where the freeze pops and Italian ice were stashed. Occasionally, one of his brothers would join him, but he was the only regular. One day, he asked if he could move his room down there. He had been sharing a room with one or both brothers for most of his life, except as an infant when he shared with me. “Maybe, honey…” I stalled. How would that work if anyone else wanted to use the room? Time passed, and he brought it up again. I put him off, “Well, I guess we can see about that…” Would he really be okay that far away from the rest of us? His brothers would be two floors away; I’d be three… Finally, “Can we move my bureau downstairs this weekend, Mom?” “Okay, honey. Yes, we can.” I relented. Apparently, moving was more than a whim. After two nights in his new room and confirming that he’d slept well and liked his new clock radio and that the cat didn’t bother him, I asked, “So, what was the main reason you wanted to move downstairs?” “I just wanted privacy, Mom.” I was slightly taken aback. At his age? I imagined that if anyone had wanted privacy, it would have been one of his middle-school-aged brothers. However, I recalled when one of them was a toddler, he’d demanded, while banging with his little fists on the outside of the closed bathroom door, “But I want privacy, too!” at my refusal to open the door. And while neither of my older two had an open-door policy with the bathroom, they still did with their bedrooms, preferring togetherness over solitude. “I understand completely, honey. Everyone needs his or her own space.” Whether it’s a few minutes alone or a room of one’s own, privacy is one thing you just can’t share. — This post was previously published on medium.com. Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox. Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice. Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there! Hello, Love (relationships) Change Becomes You (Advice) A Parent is Born (Parenting) Equality Includes You (Social Justice) Greener Together (Environment) Shelter Me (Wellness) Modern Identities (Gender, etc.) Co-Existence (World) *** – Photo credit: Diana Parkhouse on Unsplash The post A Room of His Own appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

Use Guest mode in Chrome: Handing your computer to someone else? Ditch Incognito and go with Guest mode. Unlike Incognito, it’s a totally blank profile, so users won’t see your bookmarks, saved passwords or browsing history suggestions. To access it, click your profile icon in the top right and select Open Guest profile. The post Use Guest mode in Chrome appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

Makin’ a comeback: AirPods are out, tangled cords are in. Celebs like Emma Watson and Harry Styles are bringing back wired headphones, and Gen Z is riding the nostalgia wave straight to 2007. No charging. No losing one earbud at brunch. If your headphones aren’t in an impossible knot, are you even cool? The post Makin’ a comeback appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

The event revives a 400-year-old tradition that was discontinued after the 1917 Revolution Thousands of Orthodox Christians took part in a large procession on Sunday celebrating the Council of Moscow Saints, a Russian Orthodox Church feast honoring the saints of Moscow. The event marks the revival of a tradition that was discontinued after the Russian Revolution in 1917. The march was led by Patriarch Kirill, head of the Russian Orthodox Church, and joined by clergy from the Moscow diocese, monastic communities, and lay believers. Organizers estimated that about 40,000 people took part. Participants came from across Russia and also the Czech Republic, Uzbekistan, Serbia, Italy, and other countries. The march began at the Cathedral of Christ the Savior in central Moscow and proceeded to the Novodevichy Convent 6km away. © Sputnik / Kirill Zykov Videos shared online showed clergy and worshippers carrying colorful banners depicting saints, with crowds chanting the traditional “Christ is risen” and choirs responding “Truly He is risen.” Many sang church hymns as Muscovites lined the streets to watch the procession. © Sputnik / Kirill Zykov The procession was preceded by a service celebrated by Patriarch Kirill at the Cathedral of Christ the Savior. © Sputnik / Kirill Zykov Speaking ahead of the event, the Patriarch said the march underscored Moscow’s role as a capital of Orthodoxy and expressed hope it would restore an ancient tradition. © Sputnik / Kirill Zykov “Moscow is a truly Orthodox capital of our homeland,” he told reporters after the service. “On the one hand, it is a city open to our brothers from other religions, recognizing their contribution to our common history, but at the same time it is a city that will never renounce its Christian heritage.” The procession honors the historic transfer of the Smolensk Icon of the Holy Mother of God from the Kremlin’s Annunciation Cathedral to the Novodevichy Convent, which was founded by Grand Duke Vasily III after the capture of Smolensk in 1525. An annual march was established in memory of the icon transfer and continued for nearly four centuries until the Russian Revolution. View the full article

Christians have done a spectacular job convincing the world they can’t be trusted. I should know, I used to be one of their leaders. When a friend of mine found out that I used to be a pastor, he told me outright, “I just can’t trust you anymore.” That stung. But, at the same time, I sort of understood where he was coming from. Christians have been their own worst enemies when it comes to building goodwill and credibility with the broader community, and pastors are the leaders of Christians. When you’re inside the church bubble, you don’t see how easily your words turn you into a walking red flag for everyone outside it. Instead, you tell yourself that any pushback just proves you’re doing a great job representing Christ and that those “lost sinners” simply can’t handle the truth (or at least, your version of it). Once you leave the church system behind, as I did, you suddenly start to see how there are certain things about Evangelical Christian subculture that range from strange to downright infuriating to the average ‘Joe Heathen’ walking down the street. In fact, there are some people who, when they find out I am a Christian, automatically assume a defensive position, like my friend did, as if their instinctive response is to mistrust me. Here’s the thing, though: Christianity has many wonderful and redeeming qualities. Jesus Christ is history’s preeminent teacher of love, grace, mercy, and compassion. True Christian faith calls us to a radical life of service to the world. It invites us to examine our inner life and expose our pain, disappointment, and our limitations to the healing work of Christ, who repurposes our wounds to become our gift to the planet. The fruit of this work is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And there is nothing offensive about any of those things. However, the wonder of Christianity has been drowned out by the dogma of Christians. The fact of the matter is, if Christians want to be able to have a voice in the public square without being laughed out of town, they need to stop doing and saying certain things. You can be a Christian without seeming like a fool. Oh… and you can do it without compromising your beliefs. Here’s how: 1. Don’t blame Satan for stuff If you want to be a Christian and not seem like a fool, then don’t blame Satan for things. Blaming Satan for something makes you seem weird and superstitious. Here’s an interesting thought: Satan wasn’t blamed for things in the Old Testament. In fact, Satan is hardly even mentioned: You’ll find him only three times. The Old Testament Jews believed that both good things and bad things came from God. How does that mesh with your current theological position? So, when did people start blaming Satan? After Israel fell to the Greek Empire, Greek ideas about dualistic good-vs-evil forces started creeping in, and before long, Satan was getting blamed for everything from your bad mood to your missed promotion. So, next time something goes wrong, maybe don’t blame the devil. Sometimes, life is just hard, and sometimes the only demons you need to face are your own choices. 2. Stop Using the Bible as a Trump Card If you want to be a Christian and not seem like a fool, then don’t use the Bible as your prooftext for everything. Sure, in your opinion, it might be the divinely inspired word of God to you, but to the rest of the world, the Bible is just a book. Using verses from the Bible to support the idea that the Bible is perfect is self-defeating and infuriating to the non-believer. It’s a good book, sure. But instead of insisting every story must be literally true, try reading the Bible archetypally. Treat the stories as windows into the human condition — stories we can all find ourselves in, whether or not they “happened” exactly as written. Did a giant fish really swallow Jonah? Were Adam and Eve historical people? Honestly, how would we even know, and does it actually matter? Not really. The power of Adam and Eve isn’t in proving two naked people wandered around a garden. It’s in what the story reveals about us: our innocence, our shame, our tendency to hide, and our longing for wholeness. When you read the Bible that way, you stop trying to win debates, and start finding truths that connect us all. 3. Ditch the campaign of fear A lot of Christians still think fear is their best marketing strategy: warn people about judgment, condemnation, and the threat of eternal punishment in Hell, and hope their listeners will pray the sinner’s prayer out of sheer terror. Here’s the problem: for most people today, Hell is so toxic and absurd-sounding that the moment you bring it up, you lose them. To someone who’s never cracked open a Bible, talk of pitchforks and eternal fire makes you sound less like Jesus and more like a street-corner evangelist with a cardboard sign. Whatever your views on Hell, ask yourself this: could you make a case for following Jesus without leaning on fear? Could you show people the beauty of his life, his teachings, his compassion for outsiders, his challenge to religious hypocrisy, instead of framing faith as fire insurance? Start with love. Start with the idea that people are already deeply loved and worth redeeming, not hopeless trash that needs to be scared into repentance. When you lead with love instead of threats, you don’t just avoid looking foolish. You actually sound a lot more like Jesus. 4. Don’t use these religious platitudes If you want to be a Christian who doesn’t come across as tone-deaf or fake, it’s time to retire some worn-out religious catchphrases. They include, but are not limited to, the following: I’ll pray for you God has a plan Love the sinner, hate the sin Are you saved? It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve Everything happens for a reason Have faith When God closes a door, he opens a window Sure, some of these sayings are whipped out in times of trouble or crisis and are intended to be conciliatory. However, many people find them infuriating because they are, after all, just words. By all means, send thoughts and prayers. Just make sure you back up your faith with actions as well. 5. Be real about your struggles When I was in church, I somehow picked up the idea that all negative emotions were ungodly. To be a good Christian witness, I thought I had to leave my pain, doubts, and weaknesses at the door and pretend I was always walking in glorious victory. I wasn’t alone. Many Christians still believe they have to be perpetually pleasant and upbeat, as if any crack in their cheerfulness means Christ must not be working in their life. But let’s be honest: life is hard. A lot of the time, it’s brutal. This “good vibes only” approach is just spiritual toxic positivity. And most people can spot fake happiness a mile away — and want nothing to do with it. Here’s a better way: be honest. Be raw. Be real about your pain, your struggles, and your disappointments. People don’t need perfect Christians; they need honest ones. After all, the same man Christians follow was humiliated, beaten, and hung naked on a cross for all to see. Maybe he knew that shamelessly exposing our wounds is exactly how we become agents of healing for others. 6. Don’t play the victim card Christians need to stop brushing off criticism by claiming, “People just hate us because we stand for the truth.” Let’s be honest: a lot of the pushback we get is fair. Instead of acting persecuted, we should listen, own what’s true, and have the humility to change. Complaining about supposed threats to “religious freedom” or predicting some imaginary future where Bibles are banned and pastors thrown in prison doesn’t help anyone take us seriously. And here’s the hard truth: when a community that has caused real harm turns around and calls itself the victim, it rightly frustrates people. We gain far more respect when we admit our faults than when we claim we’re under attack. 7. Don’t moralize people who aren’t Christianized Christian morals are for Christians. Period. Yes, there are basic moral truths, like “don’t steal, don’t murder, don’t lie,” that most people everywhere agree on. But much of what’s in the Bible is written for people who have chosen to follow its way of life. You might believe Christian values are the best values, and that’s fine. But trying to force them on people who don’t share your faith is guaranteed to backfire. It feels pushy and patronizing, and it rarely changes hearts. Hold your convictions tightly. Live them well. Let your actions speak louder than your moral lectures. But don’t expect people who don’t follow Jesus to live by the same standards you do. That’s not their job. It’s yours. If you want your faith to be compelling, show people the difference it makes in your own life, not by policing theirs. 8. Don’t speak in tongues in public… like, ever! Speaking or praying in tongues is a religious practice performed by charismatic Christians where they spontaneously vocalize their speaking or praying in a language that is neither their own nor one that they have learned. Those who believe in the practice swear that it can be a deeply spiritual and life-changing experience, but to everyone else, it sounds downright weird. So, if you must pray this way, do it in the privacy of your own home. 9. Don’t assume you are better than anyone else I read an Instagram post by a popular fundamentalist preacher that said: “The truth sets people free, and I am thankful that the grace of God has changed me.” Take a moment to appreciate the self-congratulatory tone. This is another way of saying, “I’ve got the truth! Hooray for me!” The thing is, the truth is universally available to everyone. Christ is universally available to everyone. And Christians are by no means the best Christians out there. There are plenty of non-Christians living more Christian lives than many Christians are. To be a reasonable Christian, assume you are no better than the next guy, no more enlightened, no more saved, and no more good. 10. Assume that everyone has something to teach you One of the worst attitudes a Christian can have goes something like this: “I have the truth. You don’t. I’m saved and enlightened. You’re lost and in the dark. You need what I have, but I don’t need anything from you.” That posture shuts down real conversation and makes you impossible to learn from or live with. Here’s the reality: neither the Bible nor Christians owns the truth. If something is true, it’s true for everyone, everywhere, whether it’s spoken by a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim, a Sikh, an atheist, or your neighbour who’s never set foot in a church. If you want to be a Christian who doesn’t look arrogant or clueless, stay teachable. Trust that Jesus can speak to you through anyone, at any time, even people you completely disagree with. Listen well. Be curious. Never assume you can’t learn from someone just because they don’t share your beliefs. The moment you think you have nothing left to learn is the moment you stop being wise, or Christlike. The best of Christianity is not offensive At the end of the day, the very best of Christianity is not offensive to the rest of the world. Loving one’s neighbor is not offensive Caring for the poor and needy is not offensive. Showing grace and compassion to others is not offensive. The idea that all people are beloved sons and daughters of God and, therefore, worthy of love, respect, and esteem is not offensive either. But if you want the world to see the best of Christianity, you have to confront the worst. Where Christians are judgmental, closed-minded, aloof, fake, or dismissive of others, they will always be met with resistance. It’s then you hear what I did: “I just can’t trust you anymore.” Honestly? I don’t blame my friend for saying it. We’ve given the world too many reasons not to trust us. So here’s the challenge: if you want people to see the best of Jesus, confront the worst in yourself first. Drop the fear. Drop the fake piety. Drop the superiority. And let your life speak for itself. A faith that looks like love is hard to resist and impossible to distrust for all that long. — This post was previously published on Backyard Church. *** You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project You Said ‘Race’, but Are You Actually Talking About Race? Understanding the Nonbinary: Are You Confusing Gender With Sex? The Difference Between Compassion for Those With Disabilities & Ableism? ‘Masculinity’ Is Having an Identity Crisis Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter Email Address * Subscribe If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today. All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here. Photo credit: iStock The post How to Be Christian Without Embarrassing Yourself appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

Cellphone bill too high? Mine was. I switched to Consumer Cellular. Same nationwide coverage, half the price. Two lines for just $60, plus save $25 with code KIM25. AARP discounts, too. Check it out now. You’ll be glad you did. The post Cellphone bill too high appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

Love might make the world go ‘round, but in today’s dating and marriage landscape, money often steers the wheel. A revealing survey conducted by the relationship experts at Tawkify uncovers just how much financial concerns are shaping romantic decisions in the United States. The numbers paint a sobering picture. Here are seven uncomfortable truths that show how deeply money is entangled with matters of the heart. 1. Nearly 4 in 10 Would Choose Money Over Love According to Tawkify’s nationally representative survey of 1,000 Americans, 63% of people say they would marry for love, even if it meant a lifetime of financial hardship. The remaining 37% say they would choose financial stability over love. This tension suggests that while most people still idealize love, a large portion are unwilling or unable to ignore the role of money in building a life together. 2. Women Still Prefer Higher-Earning Partners Despite advances in gender equality, traditional expectations remain. Tawkify found that women reported their ideal partner would earn $110,000 per year, compared to $90,000 for men. This expectation gap means men are still expected to earn more in many romantic relationships, regardless of a woman’s own income or career success. These social norms don’t just shape who people date. They also affect how couples split responsibilities and perceive each other’s worth at home. 3. Men Feel the Pressure to Be Financially Impressive The survey also revealed that 39% of men feel pressured to appear more financially stable or successful than they actually are when entering a relationship. While women feel some pressure as well, men reported significantly higher levels of financial performance anxiety. This pressure doesn’t vanish after dating. In long-term relationships, it often intensifies. Especially in marriages where men are no longer the primary earners. This distress can affect mental health, emotional connection, and the way couples share the load at home. 4. Money Keeps People in Relationships They Don’t Want One of the most revealing findings is that 69% of respondents said they had stayed in a relationship longer than they wanted to because of shared finances. Forty-four percent stayed temporarily due to a financial bind, while 25% stayed indefinitely. In other words, money isn’t just influencing who people choose to love. It’s trapping some people in relationships they’ve emotionally left. That dynamic can create power imbalances, emotional resentment, and deep distrust. 5. Financial Status Can Win Back an Ex Tawkify found that 30% of Americans would consider getting back together with an ex if that ex had become financially successful. Nearly one in three people would reconsider a broken relationship if money entered the picture. This insight reveals how financial compatibility is often elevated above emotional compatibility. While it’s normal to want security, tying relationship choices too tightly to money can lead to mismatched values and disappointment down the road. 6. Financial Insecurity Is a Dating Dealbreaker The survey also showed that 48% of people would not date someone without a job, even if they found the person attractive. The underlying message is that financial independence isn’t just a nice-to-have. It’s a must-have for nearly half of all adults. That expectation might make practical sense, but it can also shut down opportunities for connection. Especially during times of economic transition, unemployment, or caregiving shifts. Without space for flexibility and support, these rigid standards can weaken potential partnerships before they begin. 7. “Broke and Magical” Isn’t for Everyone Tawkify posed a fascinating question. Would you rather date someone rich and boring or broke and magical? A small majority of Americans, 54%, said they would prefer a magical connection despite financial struggle. That includes 58% of women and 51% of men. But the flipside is equally telling. Nearly half of Americans would prefer a financially stable partner even if the relationship lacked emotional excitement. This suggests that many people view love as something to be balanced with practical concerns, not pursued at any cost. Why These Findings Matter At Modern Husbands, I help couples manage money and the home as a team. These findings reinforce what we hear every day from the couples we support. Many men feel ashamed when they aren’t the primary breadwinner. Many women still expect men to earn more, even as they climb the career ladder themselves. Couples delay hard conversations about money, letting silence breed resentment. Financial pressure is causing people to enter, stay in, or exit relationships based on dollars more than compatibility. The result is an environment where emotional connection is constantly in competition with economic survival. For couples trying to build equitable partnerships, this can be an emotional minefield. One Tip That Can Change Help If there’s one action you can take today, it’s this. Talk openly about money without judgment. These conversations build the foundation for empathy, trust, and partnership. They allow couples to understand each other’s values and reduce the fear and confusion that financial silence often brings. Because no one should have to choose between love and financial peace. — iStock image The post 7 Ways Money Undermines Modern Relationships appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

⌚ Keep your Apple Watch screen awake longer: If the display goes dark too fast, press the Digital Crown and go to Settings > Display & Brightness > Wake Duration. Change it to Wake for 70 Seconds. Now, when you tap the screen, it’ll stay on long enough to actually finish what you’re doing. The post Keep your Apple Watch screen awake longer appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

Anna Kontula has said she worked as an escort from age 16 before switching to politics Finnish MP Anna Kontula has revealed that she was a sex worker for years before entering politics. In an interview with the new outlet Helsingin Sanomat (HS) published on Saturday, Kontula said she is not ashamed of the experience, adding that it helped shape her political career. Kontula, 48, is serving her fourth term in the Finnish Parliament. While she has long campaigned for sex workers’ rights, she had never spoken publicly about her own experience. Kontula told HS she began escorting at 16 while living in a student dorm, and said the choice came from both financial hardship and curiosity. “If I wanted to somehow make ends meet… it was a pretty rational solution,” she explained. She worked in the industry on and off for nearly two decades and became an outspoken advocate. In 2002, she co-founded the sex workers’ union SALLI and published articles challenging public perceptions of the industry. When Finland passed a 2006 law partly restricting the purchase of sex, she saw it as a partial victory, noting it included protections for trafficking victims. Kontula has served in parliament since 2011, continuing to campaign for sex workers’ rights. When asked why she decided to speak out now, she told HS: “Talking about the topic now can bring benefits to social debate [on sex work] and its direction.” She has announced she will not seek reelection and is training to become a social worker, including providing safe-sex education. Kontula’s coming out has already drawn criticism. In an opinion piece published in HS on Sunday, legal psychologist Pia Puolakka called it “worrying” that the MP described sex work as “just work among others,” and argued that “normalizing sex work does not make society freer or fairer.” “The task of a civilized state is to guarantee conditions in which no one has to sell their intimacy,” Puolakka wrote. Prostitution is legal in Finland with some exceptions. Although Kontula was a minor when she began sex work, Finnish law did not prohibit it at the time. However, the 2006 legislation partially criminalized the purchase of sex, making it illegal to buy from minors, trafficking victims, or those involved in procurement. View the full article

Moscow’s forces attacked an industrial and logistics facility in Kiev, the Defense Ministry has said DETAILS TO FOLLOW View the full article

It will be “a space where ideas are born, and everyone feels pride in Russia and its future,” says the Centre’s general director The first branch office of the National Centre RUSSIA has opened in Primorye, established by order of President Vladimir Putin. The ceremony took place on the Sports Embankment in Vladivostok, with Governor Oleg Kozhemyako attending. “This is truly a focal point for residents and visitors, where they can learn about landmarks, projects, and achievements of the region, and see how we are shaping the future of our cities and Vladivostok as an agglomeration,” he said. He noted this opening is only the first step in developing the Centre in the Far East. A congress hall and youth spaces will soon appear, and the site will expand with modern infrastructure for Vladivostok residents. During the ceremony, Kozhemyako awarded the Centre’s General Director Natalia Virtuozova the Primorsky Krai Medal For Special Contribution to Development (1st degree). Other staff involved in establishing the branch were also honored. “Primorye is a special region — Russia’s gateway to Asia, where traditions and cultures meet, and friendship with neighbors is daily life. We believe the branch will be a new center of strength, a cultural hub, a space where ideas are born, and everyone feels pride in Russia and its future,” said Virtuozova. Vladivostok Mayor Konstantin Shestakov added that the opening became possible through the joint efforts of a large regional team. “I thank everyone who contributed,” he said. The festive program featured a performance by the Vladivostok musical band TES’LA and a large flag procession on the renovated Sports Embankment. Attendees joined the “Wonderful Distant Future” dance flash mob, first held at the “Russia” Expo in Moscow. The first thousand guests received handmade Patriotka brand kokoshniks. Since September 1, the Centre offers the free daily tour program “Discover Primorye” (except Mondays, 10:00–20:00). Visitors may register online or join existing groups. View the full article

By Nancy Maffia Feeling stuck is something almost everyone experiences at some point in their lives. According to Dr. Adam Alter, a professor at New York University, more than 90% of people can easily recall moments when they’ve felt stuck. In fact, he believes it’s such a common feeling that it’s a big part of being human.1 But the good news is, you don’t have to stay there. Here are 10 ways to help you break free and transform your life when you feel stuck. 1. Assess Where You Are Take time to reflect on your current situation. Ask yourself important questions like, “What is holding me back?” or “What is making me feel stuck?” Understanding the root causes of your feelings is the first step toward change. Sometimes clarity comes from simply acknowledging what’s not working in your life, whether it’s a job, relationship, or lifestyle. 2. Set Small, Achievable Goals When you’re unsure of where to go, setting massive, long-term goals can feel overwhelming. Instead, focus on smaller, actionable steps that are easier to achieve. These small wins build confidence and momentum. Even something as simple as developing a new habit, like exercising regularly or journaling, can shift your mindset and help you see progress. 3. Embrace Change & Uncertainty Sometimes we fear the unknown, which keeps us stuck. Learning to embrace uncertainty and accept that change is a natural part of life can open up new possibilities. Focus on what you can control and let go of the fear of failure. Every step you take into the unknown brings growth, whether it works out as expected or not. 4. Seek New Experiences Trying something new—whether it’s traveling, taking up a hobby, or meeting new people—can spark creativity and give you a fresh perspective. New experiences can help break the monotony of your routine and lead to unexpected opportunities. Exploring outside of your comfort zone allows you to discover new passions and interests. 5. Surround Yourself with Positivity The people you spend time with and the environment you’re in have a major impact on your mindset. Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people who support your growth. It’s also important to limit exposure to negativity, whether it’s from media or toxic relationships. Positive influences can provide the motivation and energy you need to make meaningful changes in your life. 6. Focus on Personal Growth Invest in your personal development by reading books, attending workshops, or taking courses. Expanding your knowledge and skills can lead to new opportunities and give you a sense of purpose. Personal growth isn’t just about learning; it’s about improving your mindset and becoming the best version of yourself. Even when you don’t know your next step, growing yourself equips you for whatever lies ahead. 7. Break Free from Limiting Beliefs Often, the biggest obstacles to change are the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do that.” Identify these limiting beliefs and challenge them. Ask yourself if they’re really true or if they’re simply holding you back. Replacing these beliefs with empowering thoughts can transform your approach to life and open new doors. 8. Practice Gratitude When life feels stagnant, it’s easy to focus on what’s missing or wrong. Shift your perspective by practicing gratitude. Start each day by reflecting on the things you’re thankful for, no matter how small. Gratitude cultivates a positive mindset and helps you appreciate the present moment, making it easier to move forward with a sense of abundance rather than lack. 9. Take Action, Even If It’s Imperfect One of the most common reasons people stay stuck is the fear of making the wrong move. Instead of waiting for the “perfect” solution, take small, imperfect actions. Progress is more important than perfection. Every action, no matter how small, creates momentum and opens up new possibilities. Mistakes are part of the journey and often lead to valuable learning experiences. 10. Find a Mentor or Coach Having someone guide you through your challenges can be incredibly valuable. A mentor or life coach can offer a fresh perspective, provide accountability, and help you clarify your goals. They can also share their own experiences and offer advice on how to navigate difficult situations. Surrounding yourself with someone who has walked a similar path can accelerate your personal growth and help you avoid common pitfalls. Feeling stuck doesn’t have to be permanent. By taking small steps, shifting your mindset, and being open to change, you can start moving forward again. Source: American Psychological Association — This article was published and syndicated by Viral Chatter. — Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter Email Address * Subscribe If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today. All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here. — Photo credit: iStock The post Feeling Stuck? Here Are 10 Actionable Steps to Help Create Real Change appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

👀 Window shopping: Amazon’s new Lens Live tool lets you point your phone at anything (shoes, furniture, a dog backpack) and buy a dupe instantly. It’s like Google Lens but with a checkout button. AI even tells you if it’s a good deal. Goodbye, self-control. Hello, impulse cart at 2 a.m. The post Window shopping appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

Peace in Ukraine is close because the two leaders are engaged in dialogue, Kirill Dmitriev has said Russian President Vladimir Putin and his US counterpart, Donald Trump, are bringing the end of the Ukraine conflict closer, Kirill Dmitriev, a presidential aide on international economic affairs, has said. He added that the diplomatic efforts of the two men could prevent World War III. Dmitriev, who is also the head of the Russian Direct Investment Fund (RDIF), the country's sovereign wealth fund, wrote on X on Saturday: “Stalin, Roosevelt & Churchill won WWII. Putin & Trump will prevent WWIII.” He accompanied his post with a picture of the Soviet, US, and British leaders made during the historic 1945 Yalta Conference, which laid the foundations for the post-war order after the defeat of Nazi Germany. Stalin, Roosevelt & Churchill won WWII. Putin & Trump will prevent WWIII. 🇷🇺🤝🇺🇸🕊️ pic.twitter.com/sWdsf72hGj — Kirill A. Dmitriev (@kadmitriev) September 6, 2025 He also pushed back against former US ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul, who suggested that Moscow is not serious about negotiations to end the conflict and urged more Western weapons for Ukraine. “Wrong. Peace is close precisely because of Trump-Putin dialogue. Idiotic [former US President Joe] Biden’s approaches failed. Isolation attempts failed. Sanctions failed. Dialogue, respect, understanding each other, problem-solving to find [a] long-term solution is the way,” Dmitriev said. Breaking a long hiatus in top-level talks between the US and Russia, Putin and Trump have held several phone conversations and met face-to-face in Alaska in mid-August. While no ceasefire agreement was reached at the Alaska summit, the two sides praised the engagement as highly productive. Following the talks, Trump said that Ukraine cannot hope to join NATO or reclaim Crimea. On Friday, Putin struck a cautiously optimistic tone about the prospects for ending the conflict, noting that “there is light at the end of the tunnel,” but noted that if no diplomatic solution is found, “we will have to reach all the goals through arms.” Moscow has insisted that a sustainable resolution to the conflict is possible only if Ukraine commits to neutrality, demilitarization, denazification, and recognizes the new territorial reality on the ground. View the full article

By Tim Weed Five years ago, my partner and I bought a house surrounded by open fields. Since then, as a kind of small-scale reforestation project designed to bring the forest closer, we’ve planted several dozen new trees, all native species, with a bias toward the slightly more southern and drought-tolerant varieties likely to do well in the face of rising temperatures. It’s an enduring pleasure to watch these new beings develop their root systems, gain strength, and begin to take on height and girth. Like characters in a slowly unfolding narrative, each is beginning to take on a distinct personality. Some are robust, growing fast and proud; others are slower, patiently marshalling their resources and biding their time. A few have even begun to take on a certain stateliness, precursor to the mantle of grace and dignity they will inherit as they age. To plant a tree is to affirm one’s faith in the future, while at the same time reckoning with the sadness inherent in the comparative brevity of a human lifespan. It is to humbly acknowledge one’s place in the cycles of natural life across the unimaginable vastness of geologic time. As a novelist and avid reader, I’ve long been interested in literary portrayals of trees. Somewhere around my eighth birthday my parents started reading The Hobbit and all three books of The Lord of the Rings to my siblings and me, a journey that took us the better part of a year. Tolkien’s epic quest narratives echo the dire circumstances in Europe in the interwar period, though the miasma of evil has its origin not in Nazi Germany or fascist Italy but in the realm of Mordor, from whence it rises like an inexorable black tide to overwhelm all the goodness in the world. Light is always there in the background, however, occasionally bleeding through that oppressive darkness to infuse the narrative with glimmers of hope. Tolkien’s forests, similarly — where many of his most dramatic and evocative chapters take place — are gripping embodiments of this urgent wrestling match between darkness and light. The Old Forest, just beyond the borders of the bucolic Shire, is host not only to terrifying ring-wraiths but to uncanny and sometimes ravenously hostile ancient trees — and things get even worse in Mirkwood. But amid these forests of terror and danger there are also glades of joyous poetry and light, such as the alluring waystation of Rivendell and magical Lothlórien, where the cathedral-like spaces between the trees are filled with dappled golden light and the celestial music of elves. Tolkien struck a resonant metaphorical chord when he introduced his readers to the Ents, sentient tree-beings of Fangorn forest, who are far older and wiser than any other creature in Middle Earth. As children my siblings and I couldn’t get enough of Treebeard, whose wise and funny aphorisms communicated not only the great wisdom of trees, but also an exhilaratingly defamiliarized perspective on time: “Sheep get like shepherds, and shepherds like sheep, it is said; but slowly, and neither have long in the world.” Our enchantment with Tolkien’s wise old trees was undoubtedly rooted in the author’s portrayal of them, which edged into the realm of the sublime: “Treebeard lifted two great vessels and stood them on the table. They seemed to be filled with water; but he held his hands over them, and immediately they began to glow, one with a golden and the other with a rich, green light; and the blending of the two lights lit the bay, as if the sun of summer was shining through a roof of young leaves. Looking back, the hobbits saw that the trees in the court had also begun to glow, faintly at first, but steadily quickening, until every leaf was edged with light: some green, some gold, some red as copper; while the tree-trunks looked like pillars moulded out of luminous stone.” Tolkien demonstrated once and for all that that along with other remarkable aspects of human life — love, heroism, death, the mysteries of the soul — our ancient association with trees is a worthy subject for literature. Trees figure prominently in more recent novels, of course, perhaps most famously in Richard Powers’ 2018 masterpiece, The Overstory, whose presiding consciousness is actually a tree, or trees writ large. Powers’ uniquely positioned high-omniscient narrator gives him the freedom to range backwards and forwards across great expanses of time. Three decades can go by in a single paragraph; a long-ago moment can be experienced with vivid intimacy, and we often know the fate of a character well before it comes to pass: “At that click, a teenage Mimi lifted from her own nine-year-old shoulders to gaze up at the arhats from high up and years away. Out of the gazing teen rose another, even older woman. Time was not a line unrolling in front of her. It was a column of concentric circles with herself at the core and the present floating outward along the outermost line.” One of the characters in The Overstory recalls reading a science fiction story about the arrival on Earth of a species of tiny, super-fast aliens. The aliens live on an accelerated timescale compared to that of humans, their movements so quick that they’re only perceptible as a faint buzzing in a person’s ears. Meanwhile, human movement is so slow that the aliens assume they’re inanimate meat statues, which they decide to harvest as food for their long homeward journey. This dark little tale, of course, can be seen as analogous to our relationship with trees. We live on an entirely different timescale than the ancient, slow-growing beings with whom we share this planet, and we may therefore be missing something essential about them. Trees play a key role in my new novel, The Afterlife Project, set partly in an old-growth forest of the deep future, in which trees provide nourishment, solace, and even life-giving companionship for a marooned scientist. One of the great pleasures of writing the book came from the hundreds of hours I spent in my local forest, giving my imagination free rein to dream up a fictional forest of the future. Trees and forests are worthy subjects for human literature because they are an essential aspect of human lives. They provided the setting for our evolution as a species, and continue to be critical to the sustenance of both our bodies and spirits. Most people know that healthy forests are key allies in taking on the grave environmental crisis we currently face. Recently, we’ve also learned that they’re helpful in improving our individual health. Being in a forest just feels good. Japan, recognizing this, has created an extensive nationwide network of forest-therapy trails, introducing the rest of the world to the concept of “forest bathing.” Clinical studies have provided insight into this phenomenon, finding that time spent walking or sitting among living trees may reduce stress, lower blood pressure, strengthen immunities, and improve our overall mental and physiological well-being. A forest is a welcoming haven in any season. It has its own air conditioning system for one thing. On hot and muggy days near my home in Vermont the forest stays much cooler than out under the sun, and in winter, trees offer protection from the frigid winds that lash fallen snow across the open fields and roads, while the leafless canopy allows the sun to slant in, casting long shadows across the snow-blanketed understory and stage-lighting an evocative topography of snow-draped conifers and lichen-covered hardwood trunks. And of course forests provide direct physical benefits for humans as well, as we know from lived experience here in Vermont: burned in our fireplaces and woodstoves, it heats us through the long winters; sustainably logged, it makes beautiful furniture and the very beams over our heads; tapped and boiled from our sugar maples, it brings forth one of the most deliciously sweet flavors known to humankind. Trees are a living combination of the four elements revered in most ancient human systems of belief: earth and water by way of the mycorrhizal network that allows the tree to draw moisture and mineral nutrients from the soil, fire in the form of photosynthesis to harness the burning energy of the sun, and air in the way the wind bends but doesn’t break a tree’s trunk and branches, reinforcing its remarkably strong and flexible cellular structure. It’s not surprising that groves and glades have long been considered sacred. As John Fowles wrote in his book-length essay, The Tree: “We know that the very first holy places in Neolithic times … were artificial groves made of felled, transported and re-erected tree trunks; and that their roofs must have seemed to their makers less roofs than artificial leaf-canopies.” A true forest is a sacred space built not by humans but by nature itself. Walking through one, any receptive person can experience the intrinsic holiness of the physical world. Toward the end of his life, the novelist Herman Hesse wrote: “A tree says: A kernel is hidden in me, a spark, a thought, I am life from eternal life. The attempt and the risk that the eternal mother took with me is unique, unique the form and veins of my skin, unique the smallest play of leaves in my branches and the smallest scar on my bark. I was made to form and reveal the eternal in my smallest special detail.” Trees, it seems, may be messengers of a sort: stately, long-lived healers whose presence in our surroundings reminds us of our connection to the ineffable, while at the same time offering a way out of the environmental and spiritual degradation we’ve subjected ourselves to in our long, self-imposed exile from the heart of nature. And it seems that humanity may finally be getting the message. My social media feeds are filled with the accounts of tree-worshippers and rewilding organizations like “@bigtreehunter” and “@americanforests” and “@trees_boston.” Granted, this could just be the algorithms at work — I love trees and forests and am attuned to others who feel the same — but I’m also seeing tree-related stories in the news media with more and more frequency. For me, this resurgence of interest in these ancient beings is cause for celebration and for hope: celebration that despite the damage we’ve done to our planetary ecology trees remain among us, and we among them; hope that the beauty, mystery, and wisdom they embody will continue to exist for many new generations of humanity to care for and enjoy. — This post was previously published on THEREVELATOR.ORG — Subscribe to The Good Men Project Newsletter Email Address * Subscribe If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join us as a Premium Member today. All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here. — Photo credit: iStock The post Messengers of the Eternal: Trees in Life and Literature appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

Sigurdur “Siggy” Runarsson is Vice President of Siðmennt, the Icelandic Ethical Humanist Association, and one of Iceland’s best-known humanist celebrants. Since Siðmennt gained legal recognition in 2013, he has officiated hundreds of secular baby-namings, confirmations, weddings, vow renewals, and funerals, helping membership climb to roughly 6,500 in a country of 400,000. Runarsson’s ceremonies are distinguished by meticulous video interviews, playful original poetry, and the dramatic Icelandic landscapes he often uses as venues—from glaciers, lava fields, and black-sand beaches to intimate community halls. He welcomes intercultural elements, enabling couples to weave Iranian sofreh rituals, Jewish glass-breaking, or Celtic hand-fasting into a framework grounded in humanist values of autonomy, dignity, and inclusivity. Abroad, his “runaway weddings” have become a niche attraction for tourists seeking nature-centred vows. At home, former civil-confirmation students now return to him for marriages and child-namings, illustrating how his empathetic approach is reshaping Iceland’s life-passage traditions for future generations. Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Today, we are here with Siggy Runarsson. Thank you very much again for joining me. The last time we spoke was in 2019 or 2020 in an interview focused on gender equality, Iceland, and humanist ceremonies. Iceland has a small population—around 400,000 people. Yet, a significant portion of its residents are registered with or aligned with Siðmennt, the Icelandic Ethical Humanist Association. How has that community grown so quickly in such a short period? Sigurdur Runarsson: The main reason is that Siðmennt has become a meaningful alternative for people seeking secular, inclusive ways to celebrate life’s key milestones. We offer civil ceremonies for baby namings, weddings, vow renewals, and funerals, as well as a popular civil confirmation program for teenagers. This confirmation is a non-religious coming-of-age ceremony that serves as an alternative to traditional Christian confirmations. In many ways, our model is similar to what our colleagues in Norway have developed. Civil confirmation, in particular, is widely embraced by teenagers and their families as a celebration of maturity based on humanist values. Funerals, of course, are another critical area where we provide celebrants and services rooted in dignity, respect, and personal meaning. As of now, Siðmennt has around 6,500 registered members. We are a recognized life-stance organization in Iceland and a member of Humanists International, adhering to humanist principles such as human rights, reason, and secular ethics. While many of our members identify as atheists, our work appeals to a broader audience interested in a values-based, non-religious worldview. People are joining because of the quality and meaning of the services we provide, but outreach also plays a role. Since 2013, Siðmennt has been legally recognized as a life-stance organization, which means individuals can formally register with us through the national registry. This enables a portion of their tax—known as the “parish tax” or sóknargjald—to be directed to our organization instead of going to a religious institution or reverting to the state. In Iceland, all taxpayers contribute this fee, which is then allocated to registered religious or life-stance organizations. If someone is not registered with any such organization, the cost goes to the state treasury. Therefore, joining Siðmennt allows individuals to redirect this portion of their taxes toward an organization that represents their worldview. Before our official registration in 2013, we operated through voluntary membership fees and donations. We continue to offer that option today, so individuals can support Siðmennt even if they are officially registered with another organization. This allows for a degree of dual affiliation, especially among those who may identify culturally with a religion but philosophically with humanism. One of the main reasons for our recent growth is likely the decreasing appeal of the National Church of Iceland. While it still holds a privileged legal status, a growing number of people—particularly younger generations—do not feel it reflects their beliefs or values. Additionally, immigration brings people from a variety of religious and non-religious backgrounds. Some join the Catholic Church, which is growing due to migration, while others seek secular options like Siðmennt. Our rapid growth reflects both societal shifts and the increasing visibility of humanist values and services in Iceland. We appeal—or perhaps it’s our charm—as spokespersons not just for atheists, but for human beings in general, and humanism as it’s formally defined. I know it might not sound elegant, but in many cases, we function as the lowest common denominator. That is, we are an option that does not offend anyone. So, for example, take marriage. People want to get married but are not religious. In Iceland, it is relatively easy to have a priest perform the ceremony with minimal religious content. Still, in many cases, it feels like hypocrisy to ask a priest for a non-religious wedding. If you are spiritual, of course, go to church. But if not, why ask a religious official to do something secular? That’s where we come in. We offer a sincere and consistent alternative. In many ways, that’s why people find us appealing. The growth of our organization began even before we were formally established. It started with parents looking for a secular alternative for their teenagers when it came to confirmation ceremonies. That’s how the humanist movement in Iceland began. That core offering—civil confirmation—has always been the backbone of Siðmennt. When the legal status of life-stance organizations changed in Iceland in February 2013, Siðmennt became officially registered. From that point on, our celebrants could become certified officiants—not just to perform symbolic weddings, but also legally binding ones. Of course, our services are open to everyone. You do not have to be a member of Siðmennt to book a ceremony. A significant part of our work today includes weddings and elopements for foreigners. It has become something of a niche within the tourist industry. People come to Iceland to elope—what we call a “runaway wedding”—and often the couple is from different religious backgrounds. They do not want to choose one tradition over another, or be forced to join a church or religious group to have a ceremony. So they decided that we—Siðmennt, Humanists Iceland—would create a non-religious, meaningful ceremony. That’s a significant part of the ceremonies we provide now. If I remember correctly, we do about 200 to 400 weddings a year. Many of these are for Icelanders, usually held on Saturdays at two, three, four, or five in the afternoon. But many of the ceremonies we conduct are for foreigners. These are typically people taking a short vacation—maybe five to ten days in Iceland—who choose to get married here. So they might get married on a Tuesday at 11 a.m., out on the Snæfellsnes Peninsula, by the Black Church, on a beach, or beside one of our waterfalls. That’s one of the reasons we’ve been doing more and more ceremonies in recent years—we’ve been catering to the needs of foreigners who want to elope and are looking for a secular, humanist approach rather than a religious officiant. That has undoubtedly contributed to our growth, though it’s still a small fraction of the broader tourism industry. Before COVID-19, Iceland was receiving over 2 million visitors per year. We may be returning to those numbers, perhaps around 2.3 million tourists this year. I don’t know the exact percentage of those who come here to elope, but even if it’s just 0.0001%, the number of ceremonies will continue to grow. Jacobsen: So, returning to the original question, you’re saying that both membership growth and the increase in services come from the developments you’ve just described? Runarsson: Yes, exactly. What I’ve described over the last ten minutes—those are probably the main reasons for our growth, both in terms of membership within Iceland and in services for both Icelanders and foreigners. Jacobsen: Ceremonies are a key part of your growth. In the last five years, have humanist ceremonies in Iceland evolved in specific ways? How might Icelanders have added their nuances that others—building humanist communities abroad—could learn from? Runarsson: That’s a good question. Our colleagues in Denmark, for example, are still in a legal fight to get their organization recognized in the same way as a church so that they can conduct legal ceremonies. Sweden, however, recently changed its laws, so humanists there can now legally marry people. As for us in Iceland, yes, ceremonies have evolved over the past five years. The structure has become more refined as our membership has grown and our funding has improved. I’ve developed my approach over time, as my profile has grown and I’ve conducted more ceremonies. Jacobsen: You’ve likely expanded and professionalized your services? Runarsson: Absolutely. I conduct all types of ceremonies—weddings, funerals, namings, and civil confirmations. Domestically, the choice of Siðmennt by Icelanders for their ceremonies dates back to our history. We started 35 years ago with civil confirmations. Many Icelanders now in their twenties and thirties went through that program. Some of them are now coming back to us for weddings or naming ceremonies for their children. Our confirmation program includes a course—not religious or biblical—but focused on what it means to be a good person and a responsible adult. We have a structured curriculum for that. So we’ve been present in people’s lives for generations. When it comes to marking special moments—naming a child, getting married, holding a funeral—we are often the go-to organization. People frequently tell us at weddings, “Yes, I had my civil confirmation with Siðmennt ten or twenty years ago.” Jacobsen: So it felt natural for you to seek out humanist assistance for this event in your life. I suppose one question I would have is: Are there aspects of broader Western—North American or Western European—ceremony traditions that you draw from and apply to your ceremonies? Runarsson: Yes. The basic framework of a wedding ceremony is quite similar to what you’d find in a Christian or specifically Lutheran-Protestant service. We are, of course, celebrating the same key life event. Apart from the religious content, we perform many of the same elements a priest or other religious officiant would. Suppose you’re asking where I draw inspiration from, particularly when I’m officiating for foreigners coming to Iceland. In that case, I know they often want an “Icelandic flavour” to their ceremony. So I include selections from old Icelandic literature—both poetry and prose from the Icelandic sagas. I read them aloud in what we imagine the old language might have sounded like—Old Norse, the shared ancestor of modern Icelandic and Norwegian, dating back to the settlement era. Then I repeat the same verse in English, so the couple and their guests understand it. I’ve used material from the sagas, and while it might resemble what is used by the Ásatrúarfélagið—the organization in Iceland devoted to the revival of Norse paganism—I am not taking a religious approach. Instead, I’m drawing from the wisdom and poetic beauty of those historical texts. The Ásatrú community may use these materials in a more spiritual context, but we use them philosophically or culturally. Jacobsen: That’s fascinating. Runarsson: And of course, think about weddings you’ve attended, where a priest or officiant tells the couple’s story in a humorous or heartfelt way. We do the same. Creating a personalized, meaningful narrative is central to what we do, just as it is in many Western ceremonies. So, yes, our approach isn’t meant to be radically different from what people expect. We’re not trying to be a spectacle or to contrast ourselves for the sake of being different. Our primary role is to marry people legally—that’s the foundation of the ceremony. We ask the couple how they want to identify: husband and wife, partners, spouses—whatever language suits them. We include elements like exchanging rings, vows, and even the classic “you may kiss the bride” or “you may kiss the groom.” We’ve also incorporated rituals borrowed from other traditions, such as handfasting, which comes from old Celtic and Irish customs. That’s where the English phrase “tie the knot” originates. So we’ve adopted that in some ceremonies too, just like our humanist colleagues in Scotland have. The personalized aspect of the ceremony often mirrors what you’d find in church weddings. But what our couples are looking for is the experience, especially the natural setting. Most people who come to us want to get married outdoors in Iceland’s nature. That connection to nature plays a much larger role than it does in traditional indoor weddings. Jacobsen: That’s very interesting. Runarsson: When we conduct ceremonies in nature—in the Icelandic landscape—you feel that you’re off the beaten path. People come here to be surrounded by nature. I’ve done weddings in highland valleys, beside waterfalls, on black sand beaches, inside ice caves, and even on glaciers. As officiants, we understand that we are part of the equation, but not the focus. We’re not the main characters in a staged performance. The surroundings—the crashing waves, the towering waterfalls, the glowing blue of an ice cave—those are what make the moment unforgettable. A ceremony indoors, say in a ballroom or hall, is very different in tone and feeling from one out in the wild. In that sense, we’re not necessarily looking to mimic a particular tradition from another country or religion. What defines our ceremonies is the moment, the location, the raw elements—wind, rain, light, and silence. Even on a dry day, if you’re close to a waterfall, you’ll still feel the spray. These natural elements often play a much bigger role in the ceremony than the actual words I write or the formal structure we use. Sometimes I wonder if people even remember what I say—because the surroundings are so breathtaking and, ultimately, it’s their moment. It’s important to let nature have its role and to respect the fact that people have specifically chosen a location and asked meto come there for the ceremony. That intention matters. Of course, I still focus on writing a thoughtful ceremony and selecting the right words. About a third of my ceremonies are personalized stories based on what the couple shares with me in interviews beforehand—I always interview with them. Jacobsen: Do you ever get unusual requests? For instance, when the volcanic eruption happened a few years ago, did anyone ask for a ceremony in front of the lava flow? Runarsson: Actually, yes! I did one ceremony near the first eruption, in 2020 or 2021—can’t quite remember the exact date. It was at the top of a mountain, very close to the volcano, during its later phase, when it was still active but not as dramatic as in the beginning. As for strange requests—I don’t think of them as “weird.” People come from different backgrounds and cultures, and that brings variation, which I welcome. Sometimes the location itself surprises me. Foreigners often know more about hidden parts of Iceland than I do—and that’s wonderful. They end up introducing me to my own country! In terms of ceremony content, I occasionally receive requests from religious individuals seeking a secular officiant. They ask how they might incorporate religious elements into the ceremony. One option is to include religious content in their vows. I always step aside during the vows so couples can say whatever they want—spiritual or otherwise. In the broader humanist community, most of our international colleagues respect all religions. We’re currently working on a shared Nordic project—a website dedicated to explaining what a humanist wedding is. One of the key ideas is that there are no “strange” requests. If someone wants to say a prayer before or after the ceremony, that’s not a problem. What is essential is that the celebrant does not perform religious content or preach. But we respect the background, culture, and faith of those getting married, even when the officiation is entirely secular. Jacobsen: Can you give an example of that? Runarsson: Yes—last year I married a couple in Harpa Concert Hall, down by the Reykjavík harbour. Two American women—one was Persian, born in the U.S. but with Iranian heritage, and the other was from Texas. They asked me to incorporate Iranian wedding customs into the ceremony. These customs are often symbolic, even superstitious in some cases—for example, placing a cloth over the couple’s heads or having specific foods present. I had no problem with that. Rather than me performing those rituals, I wrote a description—almost like a brief article—explaining what her mother and sister were doing during the ceremony. It was more like a documentary narration than an active role. I stayed true to being a secular celebrant, but I acknowledged and respected the family’s traditions. I tried to pronounce the names correctly, of course—Farsi, in this case—and made sure the significance of the actions was conveyed. That was probably the most complex request I’ve received, but I enjoyed it. It wasn’t religious in how I presented it, and the family members themselves performed the rituals. That’s the kind of balance we try to strike: fully respectful, but never compromising our humanist values. Jacobsen: That’s a thoughtful and elegant way to handle it. Runarsson: I also once married a man of Jewish background whose bride was not Jewish. He wanted to wear a kippah—that’s the traditional head covering—and to say a prayer. He also wanted to break a glass during the ceremony, which is a well-known Jewish wedding tradition symbolizing good fortune and remembrance. I had no issue with any of that. We sometimes receive requests like this. Our approach, as humanists, is grounded in tolerance for all religions and all backgrounds. I do not personally perform religious content, but I am always willing to make space for it in the ceremony. Suppose the couple or their family wishes to include a spiritual element. In that case, we find a respectful way to do so without compromising the humanist foundation. One of my favourite special requests, though, was when a couple asked me to meet them at Reykjavík Domestic Airport. They had rented a helicopter. We flew to Þórisjökull Glacier, landed there, and held the ceremony on the ice. The pilot turned off the engine, we stepped out, and I prepared the space for the ceremony. On the way back, we landed at Glymur Waterfall, which is quite a challenging hike on foot. So yes, they had the deluxe transportation option! That was a truly memorable experience. Usually, when I officiate glacier weddings, we drive as close as we can and then hike, or the couple rents a super jeep. But this time, it was something very different. I had never flown in a helicopter before. It gave me a new perspective on my own country. Jacobsen: So, officiating weddings has helped you rediscover Iceland? Runarsson: My couples often introduce me to places I had only vaguely heard of or never visited. They know the hiking trails, the geology, and they have specific dreams about where and how they want to marry. I’ve been to locations I had unknowingly passed by dozens of times before but never truly noticed. That’s what happens—you often know other countries better than your own. But I love that my couples surprise me with locations that are new and beautiful. Jacobsen: What has been the most extravagant humanist wedding you’ve ever conducted? I ask because in North America, especially in the U.S., weddings can be massive productions—costly, elaborate affairs. I imagine Iceland has some of that culture, too. Runarsson: Yes, we have a version of that here as well. And you’re right—”extravagant” can mean different things. Butnot all humanist weddings are grand or costly. That said, I’ve done several surprise weddings, which are my personal favourite. For example, I’ve had couples hire me for a baby naming ceremony, and then—once the baby’s name is announced—they surprise everyone by getting married on the spot. It’s very cost-effective, especially when guests have flown in from abroad. One time, the father was Icelandic, and the mother was from England. All the family came for the baby naming, and then—boom—they announced the wedding. Everything was already in place. Another time, I was asked to be part of a surprise wedding disguised as a graduation celebration. The woman had just finished her dentistry studies, and her partner had recently completed his training to become a ship captain. They hosted a party to celebrate both milestones, and I was seated at a table as a “friend of the family,” beside the bride’s sisters. They had hired an MC—not a celebrant, but a musician and entertainer—to host the event. We staged a little theatrical moment. The MC joked that the couple had never officially gotten engaged, and then called them onstage. He suggested that now was the perfect time to propose, and the whole thing turned into a surprise wedding. Someone placed a veil on the bride’s head, even though she wasn’t wearing a traditional dress. It was spontaneous and joyful. Jacobsen: That sounds like a moment no one would forget. Runarsson: It was extraordinary. These types of ceremonies may not be extravagant in terms of cost, but they’re rich in meaning and creativity. And honestly, they capture the essence of what we try to do: personalize the moment and make it unforgettable. So someone stuck a veil on her head as a joke, and everyone was laughing and making fun—in a warm, celebratory way. Then, all of a sudden, the MC said, “Now you’re engaged!” And then he turned and said, “Wait a minute—your cousin Siggy—isn’t he here? He’s always marrying people!” And I stood up and said, “Oh yes, I’m here.” Then I was called up on stage—and there it was: a surprise wedding unfolding right before everyone’s eyes. I still don’t know if everyone believed it at first. Many thought it was a performance or a prank. But of course, it was legally binding. She said yes, he said yes, and they were officially married. I do enjoy the shock effect of surprise weddings. They’re not extravagant in a traditional sense, but they have their kind of drama and delight. Jacobsen: But in terms of truly extravagant ceremonies, your helicopter wedding probably tops the list? Runarsson: Yes, I’d say so. That was the most extravagant one I’ve done. And yes—it was my first time in a helicopter. Jacobsen: That’s amazing. Runarsson: There’s something truly mystical about landing on a glacier. Usually, when people go to glaciers, they’re taken to accessible spots—places where you’ll find tracks in the snow, tourist jeeps, and snowmobiles. It can feel quite busy and touristic. But with the helicopter wedding, we landed somewhere far less touched. It looked pristine—no tracks, no people nearby. It felt like untouched nature. It was more breathtaking than any photo could capture or any story I could tell. Even after all these years, I’m still amazed by the Icelandic landscape. It keeps surprising me with new places, new perspectives. Jacobsen: I think that’s a common experience—people are constantly struck by Icelandic nature. And people are struck by the people, too. Icelanders are very matter-of-fact, straightforward, and down-to-earth. They’re honest, but never cruelly or aggressively. That’s something people notice. And the landscape is like that, too—raw, consequential, direct. There’s no pretension. It just is. And that’s part of what makes it so impactful. Earlier, you briefly mentioned one of the most magical aspects of your work. Can you expand on that? Runarsson: Yes—what I consider the most magical, and perhaps most important, part of my work as a celebrant is the video interview with the couple. It’s essential for me in crafting a meaningful ceremony. I use Google Meet—mainly because it allows unlimited call time, and I don’t get cut off. I don’t record the interview like Zoom allows, but that’s fine because I take notes. I dislike doing interviews by phone. I much prefer video, and I know some of my colleagues insist on meeting the couple in person the day before the ceremony. That can be challenging to schedule, especially if people arrive late or are travelling across Iceland. Video interviews work exceptionally well for me. I usually schedule 70 minutes, but the conversations often stretch to 2 or even 3 hours. It’s very much like what we’re doing now—a conversation—but I have a very structured set of questions that I follow. I rarely send those questions in advance, because they lose their magic when read in an email. When I guide people through them in real time, it draws out their stories in a much more natural and meaningful way. I always have the couple together, side by side. The interview often becomes an emotional experience. You could call it a kind of narrative cleansing. I begin with practical questions—logistics, preferences, and background. Once we’ve found a rhythm, I dig deeper into their history—how they met, how their relationship developed. At one point, I used to think of the interview as just a task to get through. But now, I see it as one of the most rewarding aspects of the entire process. It allows me to understand and personalize the ceremony fully, and it will enable the couple to reflect on their journey together, sometimes in a way they’ve never done before. I’m pretty good at conducting interviews, asking insightful questions, and encouraging people to open up. That probably ties back to what you mentioned earlier—about Icelanders being direct and honest. I try to use that same openness, maybe even a bit of charisma, to draw stories out of people. I am not a therapist or a couples’ counsellor by any means—but sometimes, it feels like I’m doing that kind of work. During interviews, one of the partners might say, “We’ve never talked about this before.” For example, I might ask, “What changed when you started living together? Did you get to know each other in a new way? Were there any surprises?” Some couples have already had those conversations. Others respond, “I didn’t know you felt that way,” or “You never told me that.” I use light banter, humour, and genuine curiosity to help people share. And the more I’m able to write in my notes, the richer the ceremony becomes—because I have more authentic material to work with. I didn’t recognize this at first, but later I realized: this is where the magic of my ceremonies happens, not during the writing, but during the interview itself. In the early years, I took light notes and tried to create the magic while writing the ceremony script. Now, it’s the other way around. I treat the interview as the core creative process. I write more during the interview, and I do it in a way that fits directly into the structure of the personalized part of the ceremony. It’s very intentional. And yes, you can be Nordic, even if not technically Scandinavian, depending on definitions. I might be a white male in his mid-life, but I try to use my differences to my advantage. I’m not an American wedding salesman. I do things differently because I am different. Most of the couples I marry are American, Canadian, or Australian. But I present a soft, Nordic, Icelandic personality, which people appreciate. That distinction becomes part of the experience. I often say that when we finally meet in person, they’ll get a “big Icelandic hug” from me—and I hug them both. I’m not afraid of physical affection. It helps create warmth, connection, and joy. If a couple chooses an American celebrant, they may get a different kind of experience, shaped by cultural expectations. But I enjoy being Icelandic, Nordic, even “metrosexual,” as I sometimes say. And I embrace my Icelandic quirks, including our harsher-sounding language and mannerisms. I always remind couples that English is not my native language, so if I say something awkward, I ask for forgiveness in advance. That linguistic difference also gives me a kind of license to be direct—and to conduct interviews in a way that gets people genuinely excited about their wedding. I want them to feel seen and understood, to feel like their story matters to the person officiating the ceremony. Jacobsen: That shows in how you approach the entire process. Runarsson: Three years ago, we held a retreat for all of our celebrants—about two or three days in the countryside—to re-educate ourselves, share knowledge, and compare ceremony scripts. One of the guest speakers was a poet and author. He writes both fiction and poetry. He came to help us reconnect with an ancient Icelandic tradition: writing poems about everything and everyone around us. It’s not something we do so much today, but before the internet, this was what people in Iceland did for fun. We wrote poems about each other. It was a way to share, connect, and celebrate. So during our celebrant retreat, we were encouraged to reconnect with that tradition and become better writers by creating something personal and meaningful. I started with short poems—simple rhymes. You can follow all sorts of poetic rules, but it’s still a fairly open form. There are influences from other cultures, of course—like Japanese haiku, for example—but Iceland has its rich poetic traditions. Some are based on alliteration or specific rhyme structures, depending on the placement of certain letters or sounds. I don’t even know the names of all the forms in Icelandic, but I gave it a try. Jacobsen: So you started integrating poetry into your ceremonies? Runarsson: Yes. I began by writing a short poem instead of simply retelling the story of how the couple got engaged. I started composing a little verse—two or three stanzas—about their proposal. I still do this for every ceremony, if I have enough material from the interview. I took that inspiration from the retreat seriously and decided, “Why not write a poem for every couple?” I’m not an advanced poet by any means. But if I’ve done a proper interview—which I almost always do—I have enough content to create something sincere and lighthearted. And that’s the magic of it. The couple always laughs. The point isn’t to win a literary award—it’s that I made something just for them. Jacobsen: It sounds like it comes from a heartfelt place. You’re not claiming to be a master poet—you’re just being honest. That’s very Icelandic. Not even self-deprecating, just matter-of-fact: “I’m new at this. It’s not sophisticated poetry, but it’s real.” Runarsson: That kind of honesty is very much part of our culture. People from North America or elsewhere sometimes comment on it—they find it disarming. Icelanders are generally authentic. We don’t exaggerate. And that directness, that simplicity, is often what people fall in love with here, both in the people and in the landscape. We have to remember that poetry is everywhere. It’s in music, it’s in storytelling. Jacobsen: Take Eric B. & Rakim, for instance—hip-hop legends. The Message by Grandmaster Flash. Runarsson: I’m old enough to remember when The Message by Grandmaster Flash came out in the ’80s. Jacobsen: It’s still probably ranked as one of the greatest rap songs of all time. That track was profound. It captured a social reality that people were living through. Runarsson: Think about rap battles—those verbal duels in the street where people roast each other. That’s a poetic form, too. Believe it or not, we had something very similar here in Iceland. Before the days of streaming and smartphones, people would gather in community centers. Four or five individuals—known for their quick wit and poetic improvisation—would get up on stage. There’d be maybe 200 people in the audience, laughing and cheering. One person would deliver the first two lines of a poem, and the next person had to complete it in rhyme. All improvised, live. Jacobsen: Like freestyle poetry battles. Runarsson: We didn’t call it a “rap battle” in Icelandic, of course, but the concept is the same. It was a form of entertainment, often with a humorous twist. For instance, someone might start with, “This man was a good prime minister…” and another would finish with, “…but he lacked a sinister side.” It was all about wordplay. These poems weren’t written down or refined later. They existed in the moment, for the audience. And it was a show. People loved it. So when I say that my wedding poems are more like raps than advanced literary poetry, I focus on rhythm, rhyme, and humour. If I can include the couple’s location, pets, inside jokes, or even funny place names—and make it rhyme—they forgive everything. They laugh. And that’s the best outcome I can ask for. Jacobsen: And it makes the ceremony unforgettable. Runarsson: Yes. That’s what I love most—when people laugh in the middle of a meaningful ceremony. They feel seen, celebrated, and surprised. And they never forget it. Iceland has won one Nobel Prize, and it was in literature, awarded to Halldór Laxness. Literature is deeply embedded in our national identity. With the sagas, narratives, and storytelling traditions, it’s all part and parcel of Icelandic culture. You mentioned the sagas earlier. I read many of them in school growing up, of course, but recently I’ve started listening to them as audiobooks. Since I do much driving around Iceland for ceremonies, I have the time to revisit them. Sometimes I listen at double speed—depending on the narrator’s voice. I’ve listened to 20–30 hour recordings of Icelandic sagas while travelling between ceremonies. What’s fascinating is that many of the areas where I work today are the same regions described in the sagas. Some of the old farm names are still in use. So not only am I discovering new and beautiful places in Icelandic nature, but I’m also reconnecting with our cultural history. Even if I don’t use much material from the sagas directly in my ceremonies, there’s a spiritual connection. Listening to them helps me appreciate how difficult life once was in this land. It gives me a sense of humility and perspective, especially when I’m standing in my suit in the middle of Icelandic nature, protected from the elements, with heat in my car and food in my bag. People used to fight for survival here, in brutal wind, snow, and rain. Nature had a profound impact on life and well-being. Remembering that—especially in contrast to our modern comforts—grounds me. Some sagas are written in prose; others are poetic. I’ve used select passages in ceremonies before. Halldór Laxness, of course, was a novelist. But his depictions of farm life and the emotional and physical strain caused by the elements are incredibly vivid and accurate. Even if the characters are fictional, the settings and struggles are real. His work offers a kind of reality check on our so-called modern problems. Jacobsen: Do we have enough time or generational data yet to say whether humanist marriages perform better than religious ones? Do they last longer, or are they more stable? Runarsson: That’s a real question—with an honest answer, I do not yet know. According to the data, the Icelandic Bureau of Statistics publishes marriage statistics. Still, these only include marriages registered and dissolved within Iceland. So, when I marry foreigners, and they divorce later in their home countries, that data doesn’t reach our national statistics. There’s a gap in the numbers. From what I’ve seen, both among my friends and our humanist members, people fall in love, they marry, and some later divorce. It’s about people and their circumstances. The ceremony itself, and who performs it, doesn’t change the long-term outcome dramatically. Jacobsen: That said, in a secular or naturalistic worldview, you’re not praying your problems away. You don’t expect divine intervention. You’re forced to face the negotiables and non-negotiables of your relationship in a more grounded, realistic way. That does not mean humanists are immune to delusions, of course—but certain kinds of magical thinking are just off the table. So, even couples married by a priest in Iceland are probably not thinking about it as a spiritual event? Runarsson: Most Icelanders—even those married by a priest—don’t view the wedding as a religious ceremony. It’s a family event, a life milestone. The spiritual content is often symbolic or traditional rather than deeply believed. They’re not looking for divine blessings to guarantee a successful marriage—they’re making a social commitment, witnessed by loved ones. So, we as a culture and people here in Iceland do not have a strong religious connection to the church. Even though many people are still officially members, they may only seek church services for significant life events, like funerals or weddings. Families might ask a priest to officiate, but the connection is more cultural than spiritual. Now, I am not a specialist in religious history, but Protestant churches—and their ethics and ceremonial practices—are not as religiously symbolic as, for example, the Catholic Church. They do not use the same props or rituals. Incense, holy water, that kind of thing. Incense and holy water—those are more sensory rituals. The Protestant culture is much less decorative or ritualistic than the Catholic Church. It shows both in how their churches are built and how the ceremonies are conducted. The word “Protestant” itself comes from protest. They were protesting the extravagance and rituals of the Catholic Church. And I suppose it all started with that German guy—Martin Luther? He wanted to reform how Christianity was practiced at the time, and that led to this branch we now call Lutheran Protestantism. What I’m getting at is this: In Iceland, priests in the state church feel more like civil servants—because they are. The government pays them, so many people see them not so much as religious figures, but as public servants. The contrast between humanist and Catholic ceremonies is powerful. But the contrast between humanist and Protestant ceremonies—at least here in Iceland—is much smaller. The public sees both as more service-oriented than faith-driven. Jacobsen: That’s helpful context. Let’s end there for today. Nice chatting with you. Runarsson: Nice chatting with you, too. Bye-bye. Jacobsen: Take care. Bye-bye. — Scott Douglas Jacobsen is the publisher of In-Sight Publishing (ISBN: 978-1-0692343) and Editor-in-Chief of In-Sight: Interviews (ISSN: 2369-6885). He writes for The Good Men Project, International Policy Digest (ISSN: 2332–9416), The Humanist (Print: ISSN 0018-7399; Online: ISSN 2163-3576), Basic Income Earth Network (UK Registered Charity 1177066), A Further Inquiry, and other media. He is a member in good standing of numerous media organizations. *** If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today. Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here. — Photo by redcharlie on Unsplash The post Humanist Weddings in Iceland: Sigurdur Runarsson on Siðmennt, Secular Ceremonies, and Nature-Based Rituals appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

🔞 Ad clicked, life ruined: Watch out! Fake TradingView ads on Facebook hand you an app that asks for your PIN while pretending to “update.” It’s called Brokewell, which feels a little too on the nose. Because, well, you end up broke. Once in, it watches your screen, steals your money and sends your texts to its weird little hacker god. The post Ad clicked, life ruined appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

⚡️ 3-second tech genius: In Gmail on desktop, you can change how closely emails are spaced in your inbox. Go to Settings > Density and choose Default, Comfortable or Compact. The post 3-second tech genius appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

Hi, Phil and Maude here. We know the lotus leaves, but we don’t know where it goes to. We’re sure it’s at peace wherever it goes. PHIL: One challenge in talking about peace is that it is thought of as an absence, a cessation, a lack of activity, as in “the peace of the dead.” I would rather describe it as a state of being. I can be in a state of confusion or anger or annoyance or depression or any number of things, and peace is simply a state like any of those, except, of course, different. I’m not annoyed or angry or bored. But it is distinctly a state that I am, even if it is defined mainly by what it is not. And what about positive states: a state of joy or ecstasy, or calmer states like contentment, relaxation, acceptance? They arise from being peaceful, from having a lack of conflict. This is first and foremost an experience, and the words are aspects of it. It is a state of being, not doing, though doing can arise from it and create a flow state. Because our culture is so focused on doing, not being, this peaceful state isn’t something that is commonly described and talked about, so people don’t think about it, and therefore don’t look for it, but it’s not until you look at something that you see it. I don’t want to make out that this is some wonderful rare state; I think a lot of people are peaceful without even knowing it or articulating it. What this conversation has pointed out to me is the extent to which I am at peace, and I see it’s considerable, but not perfect. There are millions of people out there whom I haven’t met but have read about and find to be irrational, vindictive, and unfair. They live in my head and create furious arguments. How can I be at peace if I treat them as my enemy? They’re not my friends, for sure, but to be at peace within myself, I have to accept people like that. Isn’t this an interesting challenge? I have to live on this planet with them, so why on earth would I want to treat them as my enemy? Being aggressive toward someone like that instantly escalates because it makes them feel defensive, so I absolutely cannot do that. I need to accept that they have their own reasons and feelings for how they are. (Issues of self-defense have been discussed since biblical times, and I do not want to explore the ethical nuances here. I have written elsewhere about the paradox of tolerance and when the golden rule should be replaced by karma.) Maude told the story of a friend who says inside herself, “I love you” to every stranger she passes, and I want to practice something equivalent myself. I think being at peace and offering peace to others, whether they deserve it or not, and whether they receive it or not, is a worthy way. It is not a limited resource: “I’ve been gracious to six people today; that’s over my quota.” Instead, it’s like a muscle that strengthens with practice. MAUDE: Phil and I recently attended a celebration of life that left a deep impression on me. The woman being celebrated had the ability to be of good cheer consistently, and taught and uplifted many from this place of profound joy. As I listened to the stories of how she impacted so many on her life’s path, I heard over and over how passionate she was in her life. She pursued her loves with great intensity, with the tenacity and discipline that arose from it. And I thought of peace and how peace is a state of being that is filled with passion. Often, people do not recognize the actuality of peace, even when they have it. And far too many do not have it at all in their lives. In their mind, peace exists as a conception of something. People imagine that peace is devoid of feeling; that it is a place of emptiness. They think of peace as an absence of a variety of things, not a state unto itself. Yet, peace is very real and becomes known through direct experience, combined with awareness. Often, knowing begins through belief and intention. It becomes possible to grasp this experience by acknowledging its possibility, seeking for its taste, and then grabbing the feeling and naming it. Peace. Each time this happens, you know a bit more about what it is and how to get there. Peace is both a state of being and an action. It has a recognizable flavor. It has power and is full of joy. Peace creates a strength that carries you through the challenges of life. It is a passionate experience. It is a choice. It does not contain fear. It does not create distance between the one who is at peace and others, nor does it create distance toward the world. Peace craves to exist within relationships and can be applied to all interactions. When coupled with love, peace sings with a Siren’s song. … Reading Corner Peace is a foundational theme of ours; here is a diverse collection of articles we have written about peace. Do You Want a Peaceful Relationship? Yes, You Can Have One! “My parents’ relationship was a strong influence on my understanding of what it meant to be together. Theirs was a passionate and loving relationship. I still describe how they were as being “madly in love with one another.” There were disagreements but not really arguments. They believed in not holding onto anger, and were intensely committed and loyal to one another and to my brother and me. There was a deep acceptance and a strong trust in each of us.” How to Practice Peace Within Your Relationships “How can we practice peace within our relationships? Delve into this question with us through these excerpts from How Two: Have a Successful Relationship: One of the most surprising aspects of our relationship is the direct experience of peace that it engenders. This follows naturally from the alternatives to conflict that we practice. For us, peace is not a void described by the absence of conflict, anger or war. Peace is an actual experience. It is filled with calm, assurance of goodness, acute awareness of presence, acceptance of what is, joy, and overflowing love. It is both intense passionate happiness and quiet, rock-solid reassurance. Peace permeates all of our interactions and is our underpinning, our foundation. We are convinced that this knowledge and the direct experience of actual peace can be available in every relationship.” Peace in Your Relationship and the World “We have written many times about the extraordinary peaceful and passionate nature of our relationship, and in fact our primary goal in all our writings, books and blogs is to spread peace one relationship at a time. In these very disturbing times, it seems a good moment to focus on this central part of our message. We have a direct experience of peace together that neither of us has known about previously, except as an image or goal. When we speak of this we are not referring simply to the absence of conflict. For us, peace is not a void described by the absence of conflict, anger or war. Peace is an actual experience. It is filled with calm, assurance of goodness, acute awareness of presence, acceptance of what is, joy and overflowing love.” … Originally published at https://philandmaude.substack.com. — This post was previously published on medium.com. Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox. Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice. Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there! Hello, Love (relationships) Change Becomes You (Advice) A Parent is Born (Parenting) Equality Includes You (Social Justice) Greener Together (Environment) Shelter Me (Wellness) Modern Identities (Gender, etc.) Co-Existence (World) *** – Photo credit: Harvey McKellar On Unsplash The post How to Recognize and Bring Peace Into Your Relationships appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article

🫙 My pick: Electric mason jar vacuum sealer (10% off) Forget pricey food-savers. Press one button, and boom, it seals tighter than your grandma’s Tupperware lid. 🧊 Collapsible cooler bag (23% off): Holds up to 60 cans. Perfect for tailgating or when you’re “just grabbing a few things” from the store. 🍳 Square grill pan (8% off): No griddle? No prob. This pan has high ridges to give you those steakhouse-quality grill marks. 🍗 Chicken shredder tool (6% off): Saves you 10 minutes of wrestling with forks. Just twist, shred and you’re all done. 🎉 Elastic tablecloth (43% off, two-pack): Turns your folding table from “garage sale” to “fancy party.” Toss it in the wash, reuse, repeat. 😋 These are just the starters: Head to my Amazon shop for 35 more gadgets I handpicked to make cooking and hosting way easier. We may earn a commission from purchases, but our recommendations are always objective. The post Host smarter for under $50 appeared first on Komando.com. View the full article

Some people may occasionally misplace their keys or phone. I, on the other hand, lose my vacuum. When ADHD is combined with blindness, it can make every day a little more chaotic, or a big adventure, depending on how you want to look at it. Even though things may not always run as smoothly as I would like, it can definitely keep life interesting in a variety of ways. 1 Losing my Phone With ADHD, losing items may become a regular part of life. But when combining that with another disability like blindness, items can literally be lost in plain sight. Let’s just say the Apple watch and its ability to ping my phone in an audible manner has helped me find my phone multiple times. Technology can sure be a blessing when navigating life with a disability. When one can find said technology, that is. 2 Losing the Vacuum With ADHD, it is very possible to start with one task, become distracted, wander off, and then start doing something else. Then, after doing something else, the vacuum is no where to be seen. So, then the most obvious solution is to wander around singing “Going on a vacuum hunt” to the tune of “going on a Bear Hunt.” I haven’t exactly gotten past that line but maybe someday. 3 Audio Overstimulation There’s just so much to listen to! There’s my phone talking, my computer talking, my husband and/or kids talking to me, and then there’s any of their devices, not to mention any other noises in the house or environment. ADHD can make overstimulation a very real thing, and when there is so much going on in an environment, it can become really overwhelming. 4 Organization So, with ADHD, it really helps to be organized, but it can also be really hard to get started. With blindness, organization is incredibly helpful since I can’t always just look around and find something. But, the problem is that with ADHD it can be difficult to get this process started. With this being said, it helps to find a system that works and stick to it. It may be a challenge to get the system started or stay on top of it, but it’s even more difficult when there is literally no system or method to the madness. When speaking of organization, this could cover anything from the way clothes are put away, how the fridge is organized, or even a more functional way to use cabinet space. For me, for example, I like to keep the shelves of our fridge where everything has a purpose. For example, there’s the one with breakfast items, leftovers, produce, and one for drinks. Before this method, with ADHD, it can be so tempting to just get something done quick and shove things in where ever they fit. But, then with blindness, this also makes everything a lot harder to find. I think, although it may be convenient at times, it is much better to find a system that works and try to maintain this, then feel like an entire overhaul is necessary. The key part is *try* since ADHD can make staying on tasks/initiating a task difficult, and blindness can make one unaware of the overall picture in the first place. 5 Half Done Everywhere With ADHD, it can be hard to stay on task and not get distracted. Blindness adds another layer, though, because I don’t have the visual reminders to go back to it. People with ADHD may tend to forget things when they are out of sight, but adding blindness to this makes it difficult, too, because then technically a lot of things are out of sight. 6 Finding a System of Reminders that Works In the daily grind of life, it’s so important to find a system of reminders that works for you in your unique situation. For some people, this may involve using apps or electronic devices. Apps are convenient, in that most people *usually* have their phones with them where plans/notes can be written down. Apps may also have additional features some people may find useful/motivating, such as reminders, brighter colors, or may even have customizable features. Others, though, prefer to go “old school” and use a pen and paper. There can be something really grounding about holding the pen and paper in your hand. For me, using an app is too distracting. Even with the reminder’s app on my iPhone, I start with good intentions and use it to remind me of things, but then I have a hard time stopping to take the time to mark those tasks as done when I’m being reminded of them solely electronically. Sometimes using a pen and paper, or, for me, Braille, really does still have its place. 7 The Laundry Hassle With ADHD, sometimes it’s so hard to even get started, especially for tasks that are mundane. Laundry is seriously never ending, and neither are the fast-growing piles. Blindness makes it harder to put it away, though, because I’m so picky about the color order in which things get put away. It does take more time initially, but it sure does make it a lot easier when trying to find a particular thing later. Plus, I do actually care about how things look, even if I cannot see everything myself. 8 Tasks Take Longer ADHD can be frustrating in that tasks can take a lot longer, whether that is because of having a difficult time getting started or maybe even just because of getting distracted along the way. Wen blindness is added to that, though, it complicates things even more because sometimes blindness in itself can make tasks take longer. Assistive technology allows those of us who are blind to read at a pretty fast rate, but, when it comes to tasks that involve physical productivity, they can tend to take longer wen doing everything by touch. For example, when aching socks, we have to feel for the matching one by touch, which can take longer than matching them visually. ADHD and Blindness Equal Challenging, Not Impossible ADHD and blindness can both pose their unique challenges. Both can ad an interesting and, at times, surprising twist to the day. The good thing, though, is that they both can be overcome if managed in creative ways. So, what about you? What are some unique struggles you may have while navigating, ADHD, blindness, loss of mobility, autism, or any other unique challenge you may face? — This post was previously published on medium.com. Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox. Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice. Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there! Hello, Love (relationships) Change Becomes You (Advice) A Parent is Born (Parenting) Equality Includes You (Social Justice) Greener Together (Environment) Shelter Me (Wellness) Modern Identities (Gender, etc.) Co-Existence (World) *** – Photo credit: No Revisions On Unsplash The post Going on a Vacuum Hunt and Other Adventures While Navigating Life with ADHD appeared first on The Good Men Project. View the full article